Donor Conception

Deciding to Use an Egg Donor – Camille’s TTC Story

Eloise Edington | 3 Jun 2021

Camille Guaty is an advocate for Donor Conception and Co-Founder of Foster a Dream. We are grateful that she is sharing with out Fertility Help Hub readers her personal trying to conceive story on making the decision to use an egg donor, advice to anyone looking for an egg or sperm donor and how her feelings have shifted now her donor conceived son is here.

Words by Camille

@camilleguaty

Overcoming Initial Denial

Making the decision to use an egg donor was very difficult for me. I spent years trying to conceive on my own and was always holding out for that one viable embryo. You would think that, after five rounds of failed IVF, one failed IUI and twenty failed embryo transfers, I would be willing and ready to use an egg donor, but it was quite the opposite. I wanted no part of it. I felt broken, I felt ashamed, I felt like I wouldn’t belong to this family anymore. I became angry at myself for waiting so long and furious at my husband for not being ready to have a family sooner.

I didn’t understand why this was happening to ME; but, as my husband quickly reminded me, this was happening to US. We were both suffering this loss. As much as I was clinging to my genetics, I knew it was time to say goodbye and to start seeing this process through a different lens. I began to shift my perspective and I started to see the donor as a beautiful human being, rather than my nemesis… someone who was giving me the greatest gift one could ever give – the gift of life.

Relief in Making a Decision

Once you have made the decision to use a donor (whether that’s an egg donor, sperm donor or embryo adoption), my advice is to breathe, relax and try to enjoy this part of the process. Good news…there is no longer a ticking clock, so take your time! Start talking about what’s important to you both as a couple. Is it:

Medical history?
Physical attributes?
Intelligence?
Hobbies?

Just know that as much as you try to create your ideal child, you will have no say in the outcome. I searched high and low for my doppelgänger, and my son came out looking exactly like my husband. So perhaps physical attributes aren’t that important. Someone once told me to find a person who can fit into your family, someone you would want as a friend. Looking back, this is really great advice.

Ask for Help and Talk to Others!

Don’t be afraid to seek counsel. There are a lot of emotions to sift through and this can be daunting on your own. Find a community of people who are going through the same thing, and you will quickly realise you are not alone. It’s so important to find solace in other people’s stories. Think about how, or even if, you want to tell people.

I found that my greatest healing came through conversation with others. The more I talked about my struggle, the less ashamed and the more empowered I felt in MY journey to motherhood. I climbed the hardest and highest mountain, and now I’m at the summit looking at this incredible view and reflecting on how I got here. I’m not going to keep that to myself…I’m so proud of what we went through and where we are today!