Becoming Accustomed To Fertility Operations
In 2019 I underwent two operations to try and rectify my troubles with azoospermia, and to find some sperm.
Firstly in March, a varicocele embolisation, which is a relatively non-invasive procedure, was carried out under local anaesthetic. Following the operation there was a three-month wait to see if sperm production improved, which meant yet another trip to the fertility clinic to provide a semen sample.
Neither of us will forget the day that we received the phone call with the results of the post varicocele operation sperm test. Jenna was driving me to the train station as I headed off to work, and just as she was parking, the phone rang. Still zero sperm. That was a real blow. Although the chances of the operation improving my count were slim (around 30%), we are both inherently positive people, and as always, we were both hoping for good news. I guess the flip side to being hopeful and positive, is that there’s further to fall on the other side.
Jenna was crying, and I was just numb. Frozen. Frozen from what? Embarrassment? Shame? Guilt? All of them I think. We had already chosen a fertility clinic by this point and had been for preliminary fertility appointments and consults with fertility specialists. They were awaiting the outcome of my varicocele op, which had already been arranged prior to our appointments with the IVF clinic. The outcome would determine what kind of treatment we would need. But now there was absolutely no doubt about it. If Jenna was to carry a baby, it would have to be via IVF, which meant her having to go through a hell of a lot physically, all because of me.
Had I failed her? Would she leave me? These were some of the many questions going around my head.
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