What I’ve Learned from my Fertility Nightmare

Not as smoothly as it started

Fast forward to November 2020 when we were referred for IVF:

Our funding was approved right away, we started our protocol on 6^th February with egg collection on 22^nd and a fresh embryo transfer on 27^th. Everything went so smoothly, the stims, the scans. The clinic collected 12 good eggs but at this point, when my partner gave his sample, they found a protein in his sperm which causes it to stick together meaning his body doesn’t recognise it as sperm but as a foreign body. (This would have been caused by a trauma pre-adolescence.)

The embryologist advised 50% sperm agglutination would be classed as an issue, and Mark was at 47%, so the embryologists did ICSI anyway – just to be on the safe side. Seven of the 12 eggs fertilised and five made it to day five blastocysts.

We had three A Grade embryos, one B Grade and one C grade.

Worst fears confirmed

The first embryo was a fresh transfer, we got a positive pregnancy test after 12 days and merrily skipped our way through to our six-week scan. It was too good to be true… We arrived at the scan and the sonographer was so quiet I just knew something was wrong. Our worst fears were confirmed; no heartbeat. My body held on to the sac so I had to have it surgically removed the following April.

Spiralling into blind panic

Come July we geared up for Round Three – we decided this time around we would use two embryos to improve our chances. No one was interested in testing us for anything else. We were told, “We would like you to have three [miscarriages] before we go down that route” – I will never forget those words.

I did reflexology, meditated, had acupuncture and counselling, and bought all new supplements to give us the best possible chances. Again, the protocol went well and FET number three was upon us.

We had two perfect embryos transferred and I had all of the same symptoms as before so convinced myself it had worked again for us.

We did our pregnancy test and it was positive but very, very faint. This sent me spiralling into blind panic again; I continued to test for the new few days and the lines went from faint to strong, back to faint and then to negative. This was almost harder than the miscarriages; how had we just lost another two perfect embryos?

We were then offered extensive testing, all at our own cost. We spent thousands on DNA fragmentation testing of the sperm, karyotyping for both of us, full blood screening for autoimmune and clotting disorders for me but absolutely nothing has come back.

We have one little C Grade embryo left and we plan to go again in February 2022. One whole year exactly since the first transfer. I have found a new acupuncturist who has a good track record, we have changed all of the supplements using a kinesiology technique to understand what I am missing. Our clinic advised us not to bother testing our test embryo as it is so invasive and just go for it and hope for the best. They seem so casual about it all as they think it is just bad luck as nothing wrong with us – I’m convinced they’re missing a trick. We’ve taken a bit of a mental health break over the last four months to enjoy Christmas and each other again.

For the last embryo, I’m going to do a completely natural cycle with no drugs at all, although the clinic have recommended a course of prednisolone to see if that helps. It is terrifying because it this one doesn’t work then it means another full cycle with egg collection, genetic testing and freezing them all.

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