2. Give yourself some grace already
So, back to that “he will fix me” comment. I swear if one of my loved ones said they needed to be fixed, implying that they were somehow damaged, Lord have mercy – look out! Here would come the inspirational quotes, the pep talks, the daily check-ins, etc. So why, if I was so willing to give that to others, was I unable to give that to myself?
This is something I still struggle with daily — the negative self-talk. “Ugh, I don’t feel like working out today”, “I was so lazy yesterday, I need to be productive today”, “My jeans don’t fit, I ate way too much this weekend”. Ask yourself this: if you’d never talk to a friend or family member like that, why on earth would you talk to yourself like that? Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the grace you so easily give to others.
3. Selfishly be your own advocate
Whether this be in the medical field or your personal or professional life, remember that no one is going to fight for you the way YOU will fight for YOU. No one knows your mind, your strength or your body like you do. If something feels off or wrong, say something, act on it, recognise when it’s time for you to give up on IVF.
In life, we must be willing to ask the questions that we may not want to know the answer to — whether it be, “Doc, something doesn’t seem right here? Can we set up a follow-up to talk further”, or “Is this relationship the right one for me?”, “Is this person hurting me more than helping me?”, “Am I happy and proud of the person that I am today?”. Often, we run from these tough questions because it’s the easy thing to do. But easy is not what is going to get you to where you want to be. I can’t stress this enough. Do not be afraid to ask questions. As women, if we ask too many questions, we can feel like a burden. Or we can feel needy. But when you choose YOU, you’re not only making yourself a priority but you’re telling others to treat you as one as well.
So, here I am — unsure of what the future holds, unsure of how or when our baby will enter our arms. But here I am, learning to become okay with the uncertainty, writing about a topic which, just a few years ago, I wouldn’t even speak to family members about.
I chose to make myself a priority again when I chose to walk away from IVF. Let it be clear, walking away from IVF does NOT mean I choose to give up on my journey to become a mom. I still intend to be a parent and this is a fight in me that will never go away. I hope that whatever struggles you are facing, you are able to do so with a team surrounding you, with some kindness in your heart and the bravery to be your own advocate. Live a life that you are proud of, celebrate your struggles and choose yourself always — in the good times and the bad every single day.
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