27th April marks International Donor Conception Awareness Day, which has been launched by The Ribbon Box and 24 other partners. Big thanks to Jana Rupnow for pulling this together. This is a day where we can recognise the joy and complications donor conception can bring. It’s a chance to bring a voice to donor conceived adults, as well as parents who have used a sperm donor, egg donor or embryo donation.
As a parent of sperm donor conceived children, I feel it is important to hear many views, feelings and considerations for sperm and egg donation.
So, today for IDCAD , we hear from Bee, who is in her thirties and a mother of two. She discovered last summer that she is donor conceived, by logging onto 23&Me and seeing she matched with 12 half siblings. Bee is considered a late discovery donor conceived person – her parents had never intended to tell her. In the 80’s, fertility specialists discouraged recipient parents from telling their children and families.
Bee talks about how she feels about being donor conceived, as well as the positives and negatives of donor conception. Read on for advice to others going through the same thing.
Words by Bee
How do you feel about being donor conceived?
Well right now it’s a whole lot of everything. I feel both happy and devastated about my donor conception.
I’m happy I’m alive; without donor conception I wouldn’t exist as myself. Super weird to think about, as it wasn’t really my decision. I’m happy to be making connections with my siblings. We have so many similarities and I am so grateful they will be in my life from here on out.
It was absolutely devastating to learn my Dad wasn’t my biological father. I feel heartbroken my parents kept this choice to themselves and didn’t ever plan to tell me. I am extremely upset that I went through the IVF process and created embryos not knowing my own DNA, not knowing my own medical history. It is hard to know if I will ever have the ability to talk to my biological father (and my biological grandfather, who I discovered is still currently alive). It’s upsetting to think he might not want to know who I am, or know anything about my kids (his biological grandchildren). It hurts that he hasn’t replied to my email. I worry I have siblings out there who don’t know yet, who might never know. I hurt for them.
Right now the hurt often outweighs the joy.
Related Article – Moving on to Donor Sperm: Morgan and Wyatt’s Journey to Baby H