Child Loss & Grief

A Letter to Myself Before Infertility and Baby Loss

Eloise Edington  |   13 Apr 2021


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For NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) in the States, today we hear from Linny Stone, a certified relationship coach, who has actively advocated to help people create and maintain overall wellness, through a combination of holistic and mindset tools. Linny has personally suffered baby loss – four miscarriages – and has been diagnosed with APS and Recurrent Pregnancy Loss.

Below is Linny’s letter to herself as she was before she went through her TTC journey of infertility and baby loss.

Words by Linny Stone

@linnystone 

When I close my eyes and think of the woman I used to be, I can clearly see a girl smiling. I used to be much more bubbly and carefree. I was even spontaneous, but infertility took that away from me.

Infertility & baby loss has taken so much

Most of all it has taken my peace. My heart is always a little unsettled, fighting to keep doubt out and fighting to keep hope in.

Pain is always there, just below the surface.

Pain for what my body, my heart, and my marriage have had to endure.

Pain for the unknown of what is yet to come.

My journey through four consecutive baby losses followed by infertility, has brought on more pain than ever in my life.

And because of that, I know now more than ever before, how strong I can be.

The pain has forced me to see life differently.

Whenever the pain takes a break, I feel a blissful relief.

The moments of sadness have magnified the moments of joy.
The moments of doubt have given a new meaning to the moments of hope. What I don’t have has helped me be even more grateful for what I do.

The bad has helped me recognize the good.

I only wish I knew sooner. I wish I could tell the ME before infertility and baby loss the honest truth about how hard it would be. I wish I could tell her how much it would hurt. I wish I could PREPARE her so that it didn’t catch her so off guard. Most importantly I wish I could tell her that through it all, she would survive… and the knowledge of her strength would help her overcome ANYTHING.

To the me before infertility and loss:
I am sorry for the pain that you will know, but I am also so proud of you for how you will handle it. You will be different in so many ways, and yet you will remain the same.

Embrace the new parts of you that make you better, while holding on to the old parts of you that make you YOU.

Last but not least, give yourself grace and space to feel, but don’t forget to honor and celebrate the wins, just as much as you honor & grieve the losses.

Related Article – Miscarriage Comments: What To Say and Avoid Saying

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