Bonding with your sperm donor-conceived baby: Jack’s guide

Created in paid partnership with California Cryobank – a leading global donor sperm bank for nearly 50 years – today’s guide is penned by father of five, Jack Edington.

Jack draws on expert insight and IRL experience, having used donor sperm himself to build a family with his wife and TRB CEO Eloise. This is all about building strong family bonds from the very start. 

Introducing California Cryobank

Known for their rigorous quality standards and compassionate, ongoing support, California Cryobank offers a full range of post-conception services, including the California Cryobank Donor Sibling Registry, helping families connect and share their experiences. Their mission is simple: to make your journey with donor sperm as seamless, supported, and full of possibility as it can be.

Over to Jack, and the team at California Cryobank

Our children come through us, not from us

That’s the heart of parenthood – and it’s true whether your child was conceived naturally, through IVF, and/or with the help of a sperm donor, like my kids were (read up on my azoospermia diagnosis, for the background).

For many dads, the journey to parenthood using donor sperm is a blend of strong emotions, anticipation and very normal questions about connection. Will the baby know I’m their dad? Will we bond the same way? The short answer: yes – and you can power that bond with a few intentional actions and commitments from day one.

Leaning on deep experience from the incredible team at California Cryobank, I’ll try to break down a few pointers for how to build emotional bonds with your baby from the earliest weeks of pregnancy through toddlerhood, with real-life scenarios and actionable ideas for every stage.

And you know what? None of it is very different to any dad – however conception takes place – bonding with their child right from the start. You’re going an extra few miles early on, and that is everything. 

1. Before birth: laying the groundwork 

Even before your baby arrives, you can start shaping the relationship. Pregnancy is as much about mental and emotional preparation as it is about more practical things. 

Action steps for dads:

• Talk to your baby – Babies can hear voices from around 18 weeks, so reading, singing, or just chatting about your day helps your newborn recognize you later.
  
• Attend appointments – Be present at ultrasounds, prenatal visits, and birthing classes. These are fantastic opportunities to get properly acquainted with your baby’s development and in-utero habits, plus how they might come into your world. So many dads skip these – try to get to everything that you can.
  
• Create “dad touchpoints” – Maybe it’s your hand on your partner’s belly every evening or a silly nickname for the baby. I liked to make Eloise a big breakfast at weekends during pregnancy and remind our baby that he was helping her ‘pile on those pounds’. These rituals start bonding patterns early.
  

Real-life example: For me, finding out each baby’s gender was a powerful turning point in my bonding process. Read more about my journey to fatherhood and put this podcast on your list for the full guide to partner and baby bonding during pregnancy.

2. Early weeks after birth: building trust and recognition

How does a newborn recognize a dad? Science shows they respond to familiar voices, touch, and scent. You’re not competing with your partner’s bond – you’re building a complementary one.

Action steps for dads:

• Skin-to-skin contact – Hold your baby against your bare chest in the first hours and days after birth. It helps to regulate their heartbeat, reduces stress, and cements familiarity.
  
• Night-time swaps – If your partner is feeding, you burp and change. If you’re bottle-feeding, take a few night shifts to get that one-on-one time.
  
• Use your voice – Keep talking. Narrate what you’re doing (“We’re changing this diaper like pros, buddy”), and sing, even if you think you can’t.
  

Real-life example: Your newborn is fussing at 3 a.m. You scoop them up and say in a calm, low voice, “Hey, I’ve got you. Just us now. Let’s get you sorted and back to bed.” Over time, they’ll associate your voice with safety.

3. As they grow: Have a word with yourself 

Whether you’re a gay, straight or married couple using a sperm donor, it’s normal for one or both partners to experience emotional barriers. Dealing with using donor sperm takes time – give yourself grace, and all the space you need to cope with whatever this journey brings up. 

Tips for navigating:

• Acknowledge feelings without judgment – Doubts or worries don’t make you less of a dad. They make you human, and the kind of real-life dad your child needs and can learn from.
  
• Lean on trusted resources – California Cryobank offers post-conception services including the California Cryobank Donor Sibling Registry to help families build connection.
  
• Focus on your role, not genetics – You’re the parent shaping your child’s values, security, and character. Biology can’t compete with that daily influence.

Check out this guide to moving past emotional barriers – it’s written in the context of using donor eggs, but relevant to any donor conception journey.

4. Toddler years: deepening the bond, through play and presence

Once your baby becomes a toddler, bonding shifts from quiet connection to active participation. This is where your role as “Dad” comes into full color.

Action steps for dads:

• Invent “dad games” – Think peekaboo, airplane rides, or silly stories/voices/dances that only you do. These create exclusive associations between you and your child.
  
• Follow their lead – Get on the floor and play what they want, whether it’s stacking blocks or pretending to be dinosaurs.
  
• Ritualize your time – A Saturday morning pancake session or evening game of catch becomes “your thing.”
  

Real-life example: TRB senior editor Jessie says, “every Saturday morning, my kids’ dad takes our daughter to ballet and while waiting for her to finish up, plays football in the park or grabs a juice with our son. Then they go to collect her, all sit together on the grass outside for a snack and catch any friends on the way back afterwards. 

It’s simple, but it’s consistent – and a ritual they only have with their dad. And now a few years on, one they all really look forward to every week.”

5. Prepping for the future: strengthening identity and cherished connection

Bonding isn’t a one-time effort – it’s an evolving relationship. For donor-conceived children, identity exploration is part of their growth, and your support is key. 

Action steps for dads:

• Be open from the start – Research shows that telling children about their biological origins early – before they start school – can benefit family relationships and healthy adjustment. Age-appropriate honesty helps build trust.
  
• Explore the donor sibling registry – Through the California Cryobank Donor Sibling Registry, families can connect with biological half-siblings. It’s a powerful way for your child to understand their extended story.
  
• Keep bonding active – As your child’s interests shift, adapt your shared activities. If they move from LEGO to music, learn a few chords together.
  

Real-life  example: Your child asks, “Where did I come from?” You respond calmly: “Mom and I wanted you so much that we got some help from a donor. I’m your dad, and that’s forever – but there’s also a kind person out there who helped us have you.”

6. The importance of father-baby bonding

Whether your child shares your DNA or not, the benefits of strong father-baby bonds are backed by research:

• Better social skills and emotional regulation
  
• Higher self-esteem and resilience
  
• Stronger academic performance later on
  
• Lower likelihood of risky behaviors in adolescence
  

Your presence – physically, emotionally, and consistently – is the real magic.

Using donor sperm? Build in these key action points

• Start before birth with your voice, presence, and rituals. 
• Use physical closeness – skin-to-skin, carrying, and cuddling, to create familiarity. 
• Focus on shared experiences, not shared DNA. 
• Stay honest and open about their story from an early age. 
• Adapt your bond as they grow, shifting from snuggles to active play and, as time goes by, their ability to confide in you. 

Final word

Fatherhood is defined not by conception but by connection. Your child will look to you for love, guidance, and protection – all of which have nothing to do with a sperm donor and everything to do with who you are, every day. 

As poet Kahlil Gibran put it: “Your children come through you, but not from you.” Your role isn’t diminished by donor conception – it’s elevated by the choice, intention, and commitment you bring to it. 

For more support, connection opportunities, and resources, visit: 

• California Cryobank Post-Conception Services 
• California Cryobank Donor Sibling Registry
• The Ribbon Box: Navigating Emotional Barriers

Dads, you’ve got this. If I do, you do, too.