Mother’s Day after miscarriage: What to do after a loss, according to a psychologist

Navigating Mother’s Day after miscarriage

Navigating Mother’s Day after miscarriage or loss can feel really, really hard.

We’re joined by Marie Prince, aka. The Fertility Psychologist to chat through practical coping tips in preparation.

Together, we cover:

• Dealing with triggering scenarios around Mother’s Day: know how to navigate this day with sensitivity and self-care. 
• Managing difficult emotions and sitting with our feelings: we share strategies to help you embrace the space to sit with your feelings. 
• Coping with loss and grief: Dr. Marie shares tips on how to nurture yourself while acknowledging your feelings.
• Tips to support a friend: supporting a friend or a loved one who has experienced miscarriage requires empathy and understanding. Watch now for tips on how to offer acts of kindness. 
• And much, much more

From self-care practices to seeking professional support, our insights in this IG live will offer a comprehensive guide for navigating an emotionally charged time with resilience. 

Want more support, in the lead-up to Mother’s Day, and beyond? Connect with Dr. Marie Prince at The Fertility Psychologist to download her support packs and journal prompts for FREE & book a group, couples or one-to-one session. 

Want to hear more from Dr. Marie Prince? Read this next: Coping with infertility on Mother’s Day – Bookmark this psychologist-approved mental health toolkit 

Transcript

Eloise Edington

Hello, good evening, good morning, good afternoon, everyone who’s joining. It’s lovely to see you today.

I’m doing an Instagram Live with Marie Prince, who is the fertility psychologist, and she’s here, so we’re going to get started.

We’re talking through what to do after a loss, especially around Mother’s Day, which is coming up this Sunday in the UK.

So, we’re very pleased to be able to speak to her today. Hi, Marie!

Marie Prince

Hello! Sorry, I’m a little bit late. 

Eloise Edington  

How are you?

Marie Prince

I’m really well, thank you for having me.

Eloise Edington

Yeah, lovely to be speaking with you today. We’re very lucky to have your expertise and to chat with you. For those in the UK, we have Mother’s Day approaching this coming Sunday, which, like Christmas, like the holidays, like lots of things we’ve spoken about in the past, can be extremely triggering when you’re struggling to conceive.

What we’re looking to highlight today is coping, support, and where to turn if you’re struggling with Mother’s Day or grieving after a loss. Please introduce yourself, the fertility psychologist, and then we can start talking. If anyone has questions for me, feel free to drop them in the chat.

Marie Prince

Absolutely. Thank you, Eloise. Hi, everyone! I’m Marie Prince, a consultant clinical psychologist known as the fertility psychologist. I specialize in everything to do with supporting you throughout your fertility journey.

This session probably comes with a bit of a trigger warning, as we’ll be talking about loss and miscarriage, but we’re hoping to approach it in a really supportive and compassionate way. Please feel free, as Eloise said, to drop your questions in, and we’ll try to address them.

Eloise Edington  

Thank you. As I just mentioned, Mother’s Day is particularly tough. I remember going through it while undergoing treatment.

For those on a fertility journey, especially if you’ve experienced any kind of pregnancy loss, it can be really triggering. Grief is a big part of this. How can people approach and sit with these specific feelings of grief, especially at this time?

Marie Prince

Number one, I want everyone to know that wherever they are in their fertility journey, their grief is completely valid. I see a lot of people who say, “Oh, I shouldn’t feel so bad; I’ve got no right to grieve because I was only pregnant for a couple of months.”

But any loss is painful. It might not even be the loss of a pregnancy or baby; it could be a treatment that hasn’t worked, a change in your social group, or a perceived future that you were going to have. Grief is a completely valid reaction to any of that.

So, number one, it’s valid, and you’re allowed to feel that. As you said, Eloise, it’s about sitting with that grief without criticizing or blaming ourselves for not coping better. There’s a real balance between allowing ourselves to sit with painful feelings and gently motivating ourselves to do things that will help us feel a bit better. We’ll talk about strategies today, but it’s definitely important not to criticize yourself. You are allowed to feel this grief. To get to a place where grief feels more tolerable, you have to let yourself feel it.

Eloise Edington  

Absolutely. Like you said, it’s not necessarily the grief of a pregnancy loss—it could be that, but there are so many other forms of grief. You might have thought you’d be in a certain place last year and aren’t there now.

There’s a sense of unfairness, and social media can add to that weight, especially if you’re seeing friends and family with kids and newborns, which can be triggering at this time.

Marie Prince

Yes, social media is wonderful in many ways, but it can help to curate it. Sometimes, I just uninstall it for a week to get a reset. Or have an account where you don’t search for anything fertility-related, so you can get support and information on one account and have another for fun, light content like cats and fashion.

Eloise Edington  

That’s a great point. Everyone is different, but for those struggling with these emotions, are there any other self-help techniques you’d recommend to nourish mental health?

Marie Prince

Yes, a big part of my work is getting people to think about what they need and investing in the basics of physical and mental well-being: daylight, rest, sleep, nutrition, and good connections—including pets!

When struggling, invest energy in science-backed strategies that will really help. A couple of my favorites: journaling, especially for people who aren’t big talkers. Just put pen to paper and let it flow, without judgment. It’s safe and can help people process emotions. 

Eloise Edington  

What if journaling doesn’t come naturally to them?

Marie Prince  

I’d say give it a try more than once. Lots of things, like meditation, are tough at first. But if it doesn’t work, there are many other evidence-based strategies. The key is not to repress your feelings but to find ways to express them.

Gratitude is another helpful technique to keep us from seeing everything as awful. It’s about saying, “Yes, this is hard, but what else can we appreciate in our lives?” It helps build resilience.

Eloise Edington  

And meditation?

Marie Prince  

Yes, meditation is about slowing down and paying attention. We often go through life so fast. Slowing down can help you tune into your body and what you need. For some, it could be as simple as taking five minutes in the morning with a cup of tea. 

Eloise Edington  

I think that’s a great approach, slowing down and being present. Loss and trauma are often relived at this time of year. For those who feel like they’re stuck in these “what-if” scenarios or due-date reminders, what would you advise?

Marie Prince 

Trauma, unfortunately, is common in fertility journeys. Trauma can be triggered by certain dates or experiences. I use a trauma treatment called EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, which is really effective for helping people process trauma.

The point to seek professional help is when memories become intrusive, when you’re avoiding certain places or experiences, or when your trauma is affecting your daily life.

Eloise Edington  

That’s a great resource. And people can reach out to you for personalized support. 

Marie Prince  

Yes, I’m lucky to work with people at all stages of their journey. I also offer group programs, which are great for community support.

My website, thefertilitypsychologist.uk, has a range of free resources, practical strategies, and other ways to work with me.

Eloise Edington  

Fantastic, thank you. The link is in our bio, so please check it out. For those hesitant to seek help, who might think therapy “isn’t for them,” do you often see people change their minds after giving it a try?

Marie Prince  

Yes, definitely. A lot of sessions start with people saying, “I don’t know what I want to get out of this.” But we start talking, and soon they’re finding it helpful and booking their next session.

There’s a stigma around seeking support, and some people struggle with it, especially men. But once they give it a try, they often see the benefit, even if it’s just having someone who can handle their emotions without judgment. 

Eloise Edington  

Yes, speaking to someone who doesn’t know you intimately can be freeing. Friends and family mean well, but they might say things like “just relax,” which isn’t helpful.

Marie Prince 

Absolutely. My role is to help you process emotions, not to fix the situation, but to support you. With friends and family, you often end up thinking about how they’ll react, but with a professional, you don’t need to worry about that.

Eloise Edington  

What about setting boundaries and day-to-day coping suggestions?

Marie Prince  

Boundaries are crucial. Often, people put others’ needs first. It’s about recognizing what you can give and what your limits are. Then, communicate those limits to others.

Eloise Edington  

From you, XY and Zed, it really helps me when you do or don’t do certain things. Boundaries in relationships can be tricky, often shaped by a lifetime of interactions.

Do you think it’s worth saying to people you feel comfortable with, “This is what’s happening right now; I’d either really love you to ask me about it or to please avoid the topic”? This way, others know what to do without feeling like they might upset you or seem disinterested.

Marie Prince  

Yes, it’s crucial to let people know what we need and don’t need—it’s such a gift to them! I’m so appreciative when someone tells me, “Can you please do this or avoid that? It would really help me.” Then I’m not left wondering how best to handle things.

Now, this might sound like tough love, but I always ask permission before sharing it in sessions: I encourage you to take responsibility for how you show up in relationships.

Think about how much time we waste hoping others will act a certain way, when in reality, they may not know what we want.

Eloise Edington  

Absolutely.

Marie Prince 

One of my mentors taught me this: if I’m pointing my finger at you, Eloise, saying, “You’re really upsetting me,” there are three fingers pointing back at me and one at the trigger. I’m responsible for managing this relationship. People find it surprising that they have a say in how their relationships look. It’s often a significant shift in perspective.

Managing relationship boundaries is essential, and that includes managing your time and energy—precious resources. Ask yourself what you can afford to give without feeling resentful, which can be a signal that your boundaries are being crossed.

With Mother’s Day coming up, if this is a tough time for you, you may need to be extra clear and intentional with your boundaries.

Eloise Edington  

I love that advice. And what about the tendency to default to what others expect of you, the pressure to be who you think others want you to be?

Marie Prince  

That goes back to slowing down. People often worry, “What will others think if I don’t do this?” A client told me this morning, “I always have to be the strong one,” and I asked, “Has anyone told you that?”

She realized it was a story she’d been telling herself. So just giving yourself one beat, one breath, to think, “How do I want to show up right now?” Do I want to repeat my usual pattern or try something different?

It’s not easy, but it’s possible to start making small changes this way. Slowing down and prioritizing your needs are essential starting points.

Eloise Edington  

Thank you, Marie. For anyone who just joined, you can find more resources from Marie via the link in our bio. Now, what about someone supporting a partner or friend who’s experienced pregnancy loss? How can they help?

Marie Prince

This may sound simple, but just be kind. Be patient and gentle, and if you’re not sure what your friend or partner needs, ask them. It can be as small as sending a message saying, “I’m thinking of you. Do you want to talk, or maybe go for a walk later?”

So many people feel let down by friends and family, but often they haven’t shared how they feel, and their loved ones haven’t asked. If they say they’re okay, respect that too, but don’t forget to check in periodically.

Eloise Edington  

I love that advice. How can someone know when it’s time to seek help, like reaching out to you, for example?

Marie Prince  

Not everyone will need therapy, and that’s important to note. But if you feel like you can’t get certain thoughts out of your head, if life starts feeling like it’s on hold—perhaps you’re avoiding social interactions, losing interest in work, or struggling to sleep—that’s a good indication it might be time for some professional support.

Eloise Edington  

And when people reach out, how do they know what type of support—whether one-on-one, group, or online sessions—would be best for them?

Marie Prince  

People with strong support networks who only need help with specific aspects usually opt for one-on-one sessions, as there may be things they don’t want to discuss with their friends or family.

For those more comfortable in a community setting or seeking validation from others in similar situations, group support is fantastic.

In groups, people can show up authentically, share their fears and anxieties, and find understanding and acceptance from others who’ve experienced the same.

Eloise Edington  

I bet that’s incredibly helpful. Thank you, Marie. Please check the link in our bio or Marie’s Instagram to contact her for additional resources, like her support packs, journal prompts, and everything else she offers. Thank you so much for your time today, Marie.

Marie Prince  

Thank you, Eloise, and thank you to everyone who joined us today.

Eloise Edington  

Thanks, everyone. Take care, and we’ll speak soon. Bye!

Marie Prince

Bye!