Crossing the pond – why Brits are opting for surrogacy in the US

US surrogacy – what’s the big pull? 

This week we’re joined by Eloise Drane, CEO and founder of Family Inceptions, and Charlie Watson, NHS dietitian, runner, MRKH warrior and mum via surrogacy.

We talk through Charlie’s experience of travelling to the US for surrogacy, how Family Inceptions can support the process and challenges along the way.

The October event to book

If you’re in the early stages of planning your surrogacy journey, or just looking to learn more about travelling to the US for treatment, book in now to attend the The Family Blueprint: London Symposium on Saturday 12 October.

This comprehensive, one-day event is created specifically for UK citizens interested in surrogacy, egg donation, and understanding the nuances involved with alternative family-building in the US.

What’s on the table?

From insights into the financial, legal, and practical aspects of international surrogacy in the US, to insight and lived experience (like Charlie’s) of a UK to US surrogacy journey, it’s a jam-packed info session.

Free spots are limited, so book in today.

Transcript

Eloise Edington

Hello everyone welcome back! I hope you can hear me okay. I am about to be joined live by Eloise Drane who is the CEO and founder of Family Inceptions as well as Charlie Watson who is a mom to a baby via surrogacy and we’re going to be talking about why people choose to travel to the US for egg donation and surrogacy and hearing more about Charlie’s journey in London in October. 

Hi Charlie! I’m inviting Eloise who is the CEO and founder of Family Inceptions as well. I’d love you to start by introducing yourself and the wonderful story that we’re going to be discussing about how you’re now a mom thanks to surrogacy in the US – so please do tell us a little bit about you!

Charlie Watson

So I’m Charlie, and I am an NHS dietician, and I also run a lot! I share my running journey and also my surrogacy journey and my life with my son and husband on my Instagram @therunnernbeans. 

I have a nearly two-year-old which I can’t believe, it’s gone fast he’s an absolute pickle but he’s amazing. And, I’m married to a long-haul pilot which brings its own fun with some solo parenting.

Eloise Edington

I’m sure, I’m sure! Hello Eloise nice to see you, I know Instagram’s being a little bit tricky tonight but thank you so much for joining us!

Charlie has just introduced herself, it’d be great if you could do the same and tell us a little bit about Family Inceptions and then we will start talking about surrogacy and egg donation in the US why it’s a popular choice and your upcoming event. 

Eloise Drane

Sure so I am the founder of Family Inceptions. I started the agency 16 years ago after my own personal experience of being a three-time surrogate and a six-time egg donor.

Eloise Edington

Wow that’s amazing! Also from a parent of donor sperm-conceived children and of course Charlie, a mother thanks to surrogacy, we are both blessed by those two things – so that’s incredible.

Just to say that this live is powered by The Family Blueprint, which is a comprehensive one-day event taking place in London on the 12th of October next month. We’ll talk a little bit about that and how this is a time for anyone in the UK to be empowered and learn more about the surrogacy process in the US as well as egg donation, and the nuances involved.

So Charlie I’d love you to tell us a little bit more well tell us all about your personal story which led you to um family inceptions and having a baby via surrogacy in the US. 

Charlie Watson

Yeah so I was diagnosed with MRKH. I’m not going to try and pronounce the actual kind of non-abbreviated version but essentially it means that I was born without a working uterus, so I was never going to be able to carry a child.

I always knew that if I wanted to have a biological child, surrogacy was my only option and at 16 I buried that away and didn’t really think about it again until I got married.

We sat down and started the kind of process of well what does that actually mean, how do we go about that, what are the legal matters, how do we kind of where do we even start?

It was during COVID that my husband and I basically sat down and did months of research on those evenings where you couldn’t do anything anyway! We did months and months of research and came up with the kind of conclusion that for us surrogacy in the US was our top choice.

We had a really good experience in that we were matched via Family Inceptions with an incredible surrogate that we’re still in contact with. 

We feel so lucky – it’s I guess a bit like dating in the whole kind of fertility world and it’s about either finding that person yourself or going through an agency and having them match you like a matchmaker essentially to someone that you have the same values the same expectations of what the surrogacy journey is going to look like and what especially what it’s going to look like afterwards.

So yeah, we had a really positive experience and have an amazing nearly two-year-old now!

Eloise Edington

Wow incredible! And also to start that process during COVID must have been doubly hard as well! What led you to look into options in the US versus the UK? 

Charlie Watson

For me, I’m quite an anxious person anyway and things were adding to my anxiety, like the laws around um the surrogate mother in the UK and the intended parents and what kind of rights there were. 

So for me, it was knowing that we had legal documentation that would protect everybody in that scenario – both the surrogate mom and the intended parents – and that there wasn’t going to be down the line a “actually I want to keep the baby” or “actually I want visitation rights”. 

I read about a case today actually about people doing it in the UK that the surrogate mom wants legal rights and the High Court has given that to her and that just filled me with fear and worry and anxiety that I didn’t want.

Additionally, I wanted to be on the birth certificate. We’re in the lucky position that we were able to use my eggs and my husband’s sperm so it was our embryos that are fully biologically ours, and I wanted that documented that he was my son rather than needing to get an adjusted one so that was really important for us. 

And also just the fact that we weren’t just signing something non-binding and hoping for the best – it would have lawyers involved for both us and the surrogate and that it would have independent parties helping, rather than it all being kind of through these Facebook groups that I found actually quite nasty when I went down a bit of a rabbit hole in them during COVD. 

So it was about the protection for the whole process, but also the protection for my mental health because infertility is not easy, and for us anything we could do we wanted to do to be able to protect us kind of go through it.

Eloise Edington
Absolutely! And Eloise, for you, what are the reasons that you see Brits coming over to the US for surrogacy and egg donation? 

Eloise Drane

Sure I think I mean the first thing, kind of back to Charlie’s point is the legal clarity. There’s a minimum of 45 states in the US where compensated surrogacy is allowed – it is open to anybody, and there’s no discrimination regardless of your marital status, your sexual orientation whether you’re single, it’s irrelevant so I think legal clarity is one.

Compensated surrogacy obviously is huge, and opens up a vast pool of women that are available to become surrogates, you know, unlike the UK model where you guys only have an uncompensated altruistic model.

It’s very difficult, especially given from somebody who’s carried a pregnancy three different times for three different families – it’s a big ask to just be willing to do that out of the kindness of your heart. I mean it’s amazing and kudos to that person, but that is not always the case. 

Then there of course there’s experienced agencies. There are some amazing agencies in the US – of course Family Incpetions being the best – but there are amazing agencies who provide full support across the US that can help from finding your fertility clinic all the way to helping to bring the baby home.

It’s LGBTQ-friendly options again across so many states um again really doesn’t matter, and then of course there’s a proven track record. We’ve been doing this for years and years and years and people from all over the globe come to the US to do surrogacy because there is much more opportunity here than anywhere else in the world. 

Eloise Edington

And obviously you know with things going on in the world, there are certain countries that people may have gone to which people wouldn’t necessarily go to at the moment. 

Eloise Drane

Exactly!

Charlie Watson

Another thing – we were doing it all during COVID, and there was a safety that ultimately we are going to be able to get into this country, everybody’s kind of very helpful, we can talk, we can communicate, and there’s no language barrier. 

Although we had our visa to do our IVF denied in the US, there was never going to be a point where we wouldn’t be allowed to go in to collect our child somehow.

We ended up going to Canada for two weeks to essentially quarantine to be allowed in when we went to meet our surrogate, but that was a really big factor for me. I knew that with worldwide volatility, the fact that it’s with a country that has such connections with the UK really gave me that kind of the safety net of doing it abroad in general.

Eloise Drane

And of course the issue with what happened during COVID obviously doesn’t exist anymore. So that impact of having to quarantine or having to be able to jump through all of these hurdles those days are gone, but those are definitely things like just even being able to come into the country, knowing that you can get your your child.

We’re not at war, we’re not battling different government entities because all of a sudden yesterday it was fine to do surrogacy and today it’s not and now you can’t bring your child out of the country – that doesn’t exist here. 

Eloise Edington

100%, that is a lot of reassurance in itself isn’t it? I went to the States to have IVF via sperm donor conception – my husband’s infertile – and that security was something we looked for, and also it opened up a pool of more donors for us than in the UK, so I hear you.

Then in terms of the process – Eloise, could you talk us a little bit through what people can expect, the role that you play at Family Inceptions in supporting parents who are coming from abroad? 

And then I guess from you Charlie it would be good to hear your perspective having done it! Because obviously people might think, oh well, how much time would I need to spend away from home? Does it end up being very costly traveling? It would be good to understand a bit more about how you can make it work.

Eloise Drane

My whole thing about surrogacy, and I think Charlie can attest to this, is before somebody starts the process, you need to be educated. 

Don’t just get into something because, yes okay, like Charlie she always knew that she was going to need help, but just because you knew that you’re going to need help still doesn’t negate the fact that you need to be educated on this process because it’s very daunting, it’s very overwhelming, and you are literally handing somebody your child and saying ‘grow my child for me and then give him or her back to me in nine months’! 

You have to completely trust this stranger for however long this process takes, so our first thing is to let us educate you. 

We like to break down the phases of surrogacy. To me, it’s kind of broken up into eight phases. 

First, you do that initial education understanding the process learning all of the things, and then is kind of the preconception you have to create embryos.

Now, whether you use your genetic material whether you use donor egg donor sperm, or a combination, it doesn’t really matter – you can use either or you can use no genetics at all (which then of course there’s going to be legalities of that too and that’s definitely something that we’ll be talking about at the at the conference) but of course there’s the preconception phase.

And then, of course, there’s the phase of understanding the financing. It is very expensive to do, so it is not for the faint of heart! I mean even from 2020 to now the cost has gone up, and you’re easily looking at about $150,000 to $200,000 to do surrogacy now realistically in the US.

Once you have your financing, then you start working with your agency. For us, we pre-screen all of our surrogates, we make sure that they are truly qualified to become surrogates, and then we match you based upon your criteria and her criteria and make sure that everybody is on the same page and you have the same values you’re looking for the same thing, and you want the same type of journey. 

Once you have completed um your matching process then you go into what we consider the conception phase, where you’re doing all of the medical screening, the preparation for the embryo transfer, and then doing all of your legal contracts. 

To Charlie’s point, everybody has their own attorney. The surrogate has her attorney, the parents have their attorney and each party has their own representation that is going to be answering questions for you, and helping you to make sure that you’re comfortable with what’s in that contract. 

Once you have that conception phase, hopefully it ends up in a pregnancy. You go through that pregnancy and during the pregnancy is when you actually start the parentage order. You’re not waiting until baby is born and then trying to figure out who the parents are, the parentage order already happens. 

Then comes the delivery, and then from delivery you know then you’re on your way home. Unfortunately, you know if you’re in the UK it’s not just as simple as you go home and you’re done – there’s a much longer process once you do go home, to then make sure that, okay, this is truly my child and legally I can stand up for my child for whatever is needed for my child.

I’m sure Charlie can attest to all of that process!

Charlie Watson

It does take a while but actually, because you’ve done all the legal stuff and you’ve got everything from the US, the process wasn’t too hands-on kind of overwhelming.

It was more a case of just you having to have a social worker come around and be like ‘yes you’re being a good parent’! I got asked, ‘do I take him to swimming lessons?’ and I was like – ‘are you asking every parent this!?’ so that was annoying! 

But yeah the process and the actual day in court was actually quite nice, and we were with three other families, so actually I wouldn’t be put off by that sort of thing. 

It was annoying I would say – that was my most overwhelming feeling – being annoyed that I had to do this, when other people who create their families in different ways don’t have to, given that I felt like we’d already done it all in the US! 

But anyway, you’ve already got your baby and you’re so happy so that is one of the smallest hurdles to get over. 

Eloise Edington

It’s interesting that Charlie you said one of the preconceptions you had before entering this was a concern that the surrogate would want to keep your baby, and I’ve heard that from people before, but Eloise wouldn’t you say that’s normally a very very uncommon thing that would happen?

Obviously using a third-party egg donor, or your own eggs, takes away any kind of risk that there might be of that kind of concern? 

Eloise Drane

You also have to think of it this way as well – these women that are choosing to become surrogates have already had their children. Why in the world would they put themselves in a legal battle to keep yours, when they can have their own? 

So a lot of it is just out of fear of the unknown – and again it really, truly has to be about being educated. The majority of these women that are choosing to become surrogates are doing it because they really truly want to help a family. They want to have an impact, and they want to make a change in somebody’s life. 

Is there a benefit to them of being compensated? Of course! But I can promise you, having carried twins the first time, a boy the second time, and a girl the third time, that when you’re nine months pregnant with morning sickness and delivery, there is no amount of money out there in the world that really is going to be enough for you to go through and endure all the things that you will need to endure for someone else’s behalf! 

Eloise Edington

Yes, exactly, absolutely! I have heard that before so it’s really good to clarify that.

Charlie – in terms of how you worked with Eloise and the team at Family Inceptions, what was the experience like, and how did they help make it a smooth transition and journey doing so in the US? 

Charlie Watson

We had regular calls, then we we filled in a big questionnaire, we had conversations, we made a video that is now so cringe! But it was 2020 and the Tik Tok Trend was really cool so my husband and I have a video of us ‘clicking’ into different outfits and talking about ourselves. Thinking about it makes me feel horrified that that went to everybody, but luckily they matched us with someone that has really similar interests. 

The most important things for us were that they wanted to continue a relationship in some form post-surrogacy, so they matched us with someone amazing. We asked for it to be ideally East Coast or if not then a big sort of hub that was easy to get to. I am very lucky that we get cheap flights – my husband’s a pilot – so I was able to go to quite a lot of the process. 

I went to the embryo transfer, to the 8-week scan, to the 12-week and the 20-week. We don’t have to but it helped me connect and also kind of become friendly and closer with our surrogate and her husband so that we weren’t then like ‘hey!’ on the day she went into labour!

They [Family Inceptions] just made it seamless in terms of helping us find lawyers. We talked to them about our choice of fertility clinic. They helped with visa and passport issues that were a bit of a nightmare coming home, and also we were lucky that our coordinator lived locally so we actually went out for lunch with her.

She’s helping us with our second journey and it meant that there was someone to ask the questions rather than me having to dig around and find out or worry about things like: Have we filled this form out correctly? Are we doing the process in the right steps? Have we thought of everything? 

Our coordinator even registered Bertie at her children’s doctor paediatrician so that we could get our jabs before we went home. Nothing was too much and everything was just kind of holding our hands or doing things for us to make the process really streamlined.

Eloise Edington

If anyone has any questions whilst we’re chatting about egg donation surrogacy in the US please feel free to ask – that’s why we have Eloise here today!

Anything that you want to add on that, Eloise, in terms of process and how you support each person that you work with to achieve their goal of having their baby? 

Eloise Drane

I mean what everybody needs to understand is surrogacy is as unique to you as you are unique as an individual. There are no journeys alike, just as there are not going to be two pregnancies alike and there’s not going to be two surrogates alike. 

So it really is where your expectations of thinking that you’re going to come in and it’s going to be exactly like Charlie or exactly like somebody else’s is probably not going to be realistic. 

What you need to start thinking through is what would you like for it to be for you, and then that is where our team help guide you. It’s like, well does that really make sense and why do you want to? Why are you thinking that way? Have you thought of this or have you thought of that? 

It really is our job to guide the intended parents to make sure that they understand what it is they’re getting themselves into and to make sure that they ask the questions that they didn’t even know to ask.

Eloise Edington

Absolutely, they’re really really good points! 

What about challenges – Charlie were there any challenges for you besides what you’ve mentioned in terms of certificate and coming home? Any legalities that you had to get involved in, or did Family Incpetions take help take care of that? 

Charlie Watson

Family Inceptions and our lawyers did all the legal work. We had a Zoom court in the US which they again walked us through to get our parental order.

The main challenges are just the paperwork and then kind of waiting for a US passport which is what you have to do to get home to the UK. You can’t get a UK passport out there, you have to wait, and ours took a bit longer because of where we did it in South Carolina we couldn’t get pre-birth order.  Our friends that did it in California had a much quicker turnaround because they had already done all of that, whereas we had to wait for court.

For me, the main things were the emotional side, and the waiting to match with someone and the expectations that you put in your mind of like ‘Oh it’s going to be by this day’ or ‘We’re going to have a baby by then’.

The timeline is longer than you expect it to be and so the main challenge was raining me in and my husband having to be like ‘Let’s just enjoy this time, let’s go on a holiday, let’s try not to sit down and think by this time we’ll have this baby and let the process kind of roll out’.

And trusting that people are in your corner and that they’re doing everything that they can to find the right person for you and to schedule the medical screenings and all that that jazz, rather than feeling kind of out of the loop.

Eloise Edington

Which everyone has to face don’t they, during a fertility struggle or challenge? Whether it’s with your own eggs or your own sperm, or carrying a baby yourself – there are so many unknowns and so many hurdles to overcome and things that can set you back, so every day, you just have to take it as it comes.

So does your son have a British passport and a US passport? 

Charlie Watson

Yes he does, yeah. 

So if you’re born there in the US, you get a US passport and that’s what we came home with. We got some funny looks when we got home, but then it was really easy getting a British passport. 

The annoying paperwork, I would say, was getting him registered for the 20% discount on the child’s care. Having to do all that was a bit frustrating, but getting him a UK passport was easy.

Eloise Edington

Great well what a nice option for him to have in the future to have both passports! And are you happy with how your relationship is with your surrogate now?

Charlie Watson

I just wish we could see her more! We went over to visit her and her family in February this year, and we’re planning on going again at some point in the next year and doing another surrogacy journey – fingers crossed! – with her.

Eloise Edington

So exciting! I have everything crossed for you, you’re obviously in great hands! 

And then Eloise, I want to ask you, because we see a lot of press over here around huge legalities that have been going on especially in the States with fertility over the last year or so – are there any particularly friendly surrogacy States, and what are the key things for UK intended parents to bear in mind? 

Eloise Drane

There are a lot! Unfortunately, the media only likes to put the negative side of things but there are well over 46 states that are completely surrogacy friendly, without any issues.

There are nuances to each state, of course. That is our job, as well as the attorney’s job, to make sure that we are matching you with the surrogate in a state where you’re not going to have any problems and can get your child home. 

So that is our responsibility to make sure that that occurs, and as far as when somebody comes it’s really to make sure that they are working with knowledgeable professionals that understand the process for UK citizens, ie. what they need to do, how they need to be able to get home, what is the requirements that they have.

And then you need to start thinking again, like I said before, of what it is that you want for your journey. Are you financially able to take on this responsibility? Again the legalities of when you get home and making sure that you understand what that process is.

It’s not just you get your baby home and you’re done, there’s things you have to do in order to make sure that you know you can register your child in school and those type of things.

I actually read an article the other day about a family that I believe did surrogacy, and the child needed medical care. They were fighting to hurry up and get their name registered so that they could get their child medical care. 

So it’s things like that that you really want to make sure that your, you’re just doing your due diligence way ahead of time, and that we come in to make sure that we’re guiding you along that path throughout the entire the entire step.

Eloise Edington

Fantastic! Question – how prepared, Charlie, did you feel going into your hospital birth experience? Did you know what to expect, and did you feel empowered to speak up in the US healthcare system? How about the newborn care prep? 

Charlie Watson

I’d read and heard horror stories intended parents, specifically mothers and more in NHS system actually, of them not being allowed in the rooms.

We’d met our OB, we’d done scans with her, and I knew her. So when we went in, it was actually a scheduled C-section. She knew that I was the mother, I cut the umbilical cord , and when they said that he had to go to the NICU and it was me that they were talking to about Bertie.

My husband is incredibly squeamish so he was not anywhere near any of this and I had to be like ‘um maybe we should let him know what’s going on as well’! 

But at no point did anyone make me feel in the hospital anything other than Bertie’s Mom and that was so important for me – in the NICU, in the delivery room, and at all points during our interactions with healthcare professionals.

They were like ‘oh we’ve had surrogates before but never international’. We were in the NICU for just under just under three days and so we got to know the staff there and they made him a little plaque. It was it was a really nice experience!

I would say though that I have worked in NICUs and so I was very unfazed by going to the NICUs and my husband took his lead from me he was like ‘oh you didn’t look worried so I wasn’t worried’ so I don’t know whether that helped.

I’m quite vocal I’m quite an advocate for myself and for my family so I felt kind of confident to do that! So I don’t know whether that was a combination of their treatment of us and also my own experience in medical care.

Eloise Edington

That makes sense! I wanted to ask whether you’ve got any any advice for anyone who is looking into surrogacy, perhaps egg donation as well, in the US, and what your tips would be?

Charlie Watson

Just research, and speak to people that have have done it – I’m going to be talking and at the event on the 12th of October so I’m going to be there and I’m happy to answer any questions about how we researched, how we found and chose Family Inceptions. 

There’s going to be lawyers there there’s going to be people who’ve been through this people like Eloise who’ve been surrogates that will I’m sure happy to answer those kind of questions too.

But research, and just talk about it. Because I think I was so nervous, and we didn’t tell anybody for so long that we were even going through this because I was embarrassed. And as soon as you start talking about it you realize that other people are have been through this process. 

We helped one of our friends that was going through multiple miscarriages. Once they heard our story, they’ve had a baby via a surrogate through Family Inceptions because they were willing to be open and we were willing to be open. So just talk to people. 

And try to enjoy it! I know that sounds really odd, but so many people are coming to surrogacy either having been through some heartbreak on their own infertility journey, or they’ve dealt with years of knowing that this is going to be their experience.

But it actually can be really enjoyable, like we loved Charleston which is where we had our our son. We have a really good connection with our surrogate. We had a really nice time out there, and that those six weeks that we were there were so special to both my husband and I.

And also just cementing that bond with our surrogate and her husband and them getting to see Bertie and then we took him back. 

So I think it can be a good experience, it can be a great experience, it can be one that you’ll really cherish.

I know that often people come to it as a last resort because they haven’t been able to carry their own child, but it can be a really lovely experience for everybody.

Eloise Edington

I agree with you, I enjoyed my time in New York, it was almost like taking a step away from work and being able to just think about what what was happening and spend some time with my husband away from everything. It was almost like if I had been caught up in my moment at home doing it at home it would have just been so much more stressful than being able to have that time.

In terms of talking to your son about it – is that something that you’re already starting to do or going to start doing? 

Charlie Watson

Yes! We were given some books, we are making sure that we show him photos of our surrogate. We’ve got little videos from when we were together we went to the aquarium and there’s cute photos of them. 

And and again, we’re in a really fortunate position that we get cheap flights. So our plan is to try and make Charleston be really special to our family, and go back and get to spend time, and have him understand the story and why that place is so special and why our surrogate is so special.

I mean literally, she sent a box for his first birthday! A box of 20 presents all with little notes on. I send her photos and videos, she follows me on Instagram, we’re really lucky.

We feel so lucky that we were matched with her. We’ve been out for loads of meals, we share Harry Potter chat, and I think that, for Bertie, knowing that we feel lucky that we got to get him via surrogacy, rather than it be something that we ever play down or ever make him feel like that’s different.

Yeah it’s different, but how special, how cool, how amazing that that’s how he came into the world!

Eloise Edington

That’s what we’re doing with donor conception as well. 

It’s always going to be a narrative from the beginning of each of their lives, rather than a sort of ‘sit down and we’ve got something to tell you’ kind of scenario. 

That’s amazing! And so – are you able to use the same surrogate for your second journey? 

Charlie Watson

We’re in the process so we’re hoping so yeah!

Eloise Edington

Fantastic, that’s amazing! And what great support you’ve got with Eloise and the team at Family Inceptions. 

Which leads me on to ask you, Eloise, all about the event on the 12th of October – The Family Blueprint Symposium in London – could you tell us all about it? 

Eloise Drane

Sure! So on October 12th at the Weston London, we are putting together an educational symposium that will literally talk about the entire process of surrogacy and egg donation in the US. 

So from starting of that education and understanding through the preconception, whether you’re creating your embryos in the UK and then shipping to the US, or whether you’re actually coming to the US and then literally walking through the entire process. 

We have a number of experts that are going to be speaking on different aspects, whether it’s the medical aspect and having a doctor come in and share about embryo creation in the US, or what the process is like for the surrogates insurance.

Unfortunately even in the US we don’t understand our own insurance (!) but there will be somebody from insurance. There’s going to be attorneys from both sides that are going to speaking so there’s going to be attorneys from the US there’s going to be attorneys from the UK.

There’s going to be someone speaking about the process for the passports and the Escrow, and how all of that works, and again Charlie is going to be sharing her experience.

I’m going to be laying out the whole process of that road map of what it’s going to look like, and being able to then interact with these professionals and ask them specific questions as well that pertains to your specific information. 

Eloise Edington

Absolutely, and also having the opportunity to speak to experts but also to people such as Charlie who have been through it yourselves. 

And also, Eloise, you having been a surrogate, you’ve got the best of both worlds haven’t you, to be able to toe everything together and get the whole insight into what it might be like to go through surrogacy or egg donation in the US.

Charlie Watson

I think it’s it’s a real fact-finding day! We spent hours and hours and hours on Zoom calls, sometimes like multiple a night, trying to speak to different lawyers.

It’s a really good way of getting all of the information so then you can go away do some of your own research, rather than spending hours feeling around in the dark.

So getting a good first step, or if you’re already on the road to knowing you want to do a US surrogacy it’s I think it’s just puts everybody in one room rather than you having to do the initial research to find out who do I even speak to about this.

We ended up hours and hours with loads of different people including a family that had done it after I was basically bullied on one of the Facebook groups asking about US surrogacy she reached out privately being like “People don’t like talking about that, so here’s my mobile number, do you want to chat?” 

So it’s just taking out a lot of the groundwork for you. No question is stupid – I had probably thousands when I first spoke to Eloise, and it just puts people in one room. It’s so much easier isn’t it when people are there and you can speak face to face rather than having to join a Zoom. 

Eloise Edington

Absolutely – and not be judged! Like you said not have backlash for something which you know is a situation that you are forced into, that you may not have dreamt about growing up, soo you want you want support! 

And so this is the best way to get it I think it’s an amazing opportunity and people should click our link in bio to find out more about the event.

Anything else to add Eloise that you think is important for people to know before doing a bit more research, finding out about this event and booking tickets?

Eloise Drane

I think one thing that I wanted to touch on that Charlie had mentioned about, you know, she didn’t want to share because of the embarrassment – there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

If you had a medical condition you wouldn’t be embarrassed to go get treatment. This is, for a lot of people, a medical condition and they want to be able to have an opportunity to have a child it should not be taboo, it should not be something that anybody should be embarrassed about and it shouldn’t be something that anybody should hide. 

It’s a beautiful thing and when somebody is willing to raise their hand and say ‘I’m willing to do this for you’, it could be the most amazing experience for everybody. It is all about what you also make of it. 

So I really do feel that unfortunately the media sometimes portrays surrogacy as this dirty thing, when in actuality it’s the complete opposite. For the handful of times that they talk about surrogacy and ‘someone did this’ or ‘somebody did that’ when there are thousands more that went perfectly fine that nobody wants to talk about it. 

It’s unfortunate that those are the the stories that they want to pick up on but hopefully with the symposium people coming are truly getting educated on the process, and then learning just the things that they may not have even thought about – that’s going to be our goal.

The conference is again October 12th at the Westin London and the time is on our website so the link is in the bio.

It is free to attend; you just have to register, and hopefully, we’ll see everybody there. It is limited as well, so registration will be closing soon because we can only take so many people. This ensures everyone has access to the professionals and can receive the information they came for.

Eloise Edington

Well it’s a phenomenal opportunity and anyone interested please go to our link in bio or you can follow and and go through to the Family Inceptions website, but we have linked it up in our bio so that you can read more. And as Eloise said, save a free spot before they all get taken! 

I wish I had had something like this when I was going abroad to the States for donor conception. Like you, Charlie, I was struggling around trying to work it all out myself so to be given this opportunity is phenomenal.

It’s great that these conversations becoming normalised and to hear your story today Charlie.

Charlie Watson

Well thanks for letting me come and chat! I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the last four years from not talking about it to basically shouting about it because I want people to know that it’s an amazing way and it can be a really positive experience. 

Eloise Edington 

Have you met any have you met lots of other people with MRKH throughout this journey?

Charlie Watson

Only online I have to say! 

I haven’t been to any of the kind of events I know that there are plenty and it’s something that I again need to probably build up the courage to go and do because I feel like I would have loved to have spoken to someone like me when I was 16, 17, 18 that has a really positive outcome, rather than just burying my head in the sand which is what I did then.

But we have met some other families who’ve had babies via surrogates and we’re very lucky that a very close friend has also done it so I also think that would really help Bertie growing up with our friend’s son, knowing somebody else that arrived in the exact same way will be quite nice – somebody that’s just like him.

Eloise Edington 

I think also one more thing to add but obviously there’ll be so many people watching this and and joining who have experienced a difficult road to date, whether that’s same-sex couples or infertility issues or recurrent loss, things like that.

So as you said it’s almost I guess take taking that leap and taking that step to educate and find out more to turn something that’s been a really difficult journey to date into something that is potentially exciting to start, because it’s getting you to where you want to be ultimately.

Charlie Watson

I think even if you haven’t 100% decided that this is the journey for you, come along and use the day as as I said as fact-finding. 

If you are even considering or you’ve watched today and thought actually that might be a good option for just come along and find out chat with us also my DMs are always open.

I’m always happy to chat about our experience and I’m sure Eloise is the same with Family Inceptions, she’s always available on my Whatsapp!

Eloise Edington 

Fantastic, amazing! 

Well thank you both so much for joining us today, I’m sure everyone’s found it hugely useful.

Please do take advantage of these limited seats free seats, click our link in bio to find out more, and sign up as soon as you can as the date is fast approaching.

We look forward to hearing more and thank you once again everyone!

Next on your reading list

Want to hear more from the Family Inceptions / Fertility 360 Team? Jump here next:

• Surrogacy in the US for UK couples – why, where to go, and how to get started
• Register for your free spot at the The Family Blueprint: London Symposium – a comprehensive one-day event that will guide you through every step of your journey.
• Connect with Charlie and follow her story over on Instagram @therunnerbeans