Increased sex drive after miscarriage – understanding your body, emotions, and needs

I’ve been there – more than once. Following repeat miscarriage, I was left feeling pretty confused about intimacy. Some days, my body felt like it was crying out for connection, while others, I wanted nothing more than space. There was a new sense of pressure too, on a biological level. Even if we weren’t trying to get pregnant again just yet, it was an added, awkward dynamic.

If you’re wondering whether your increased sex drive after miscarriage is normal, worried about pain after sex, or unsure when it’s safe to resume intimacy, you’re not alone. Many of us go through this, and information is empowerment. Here’s what to know.

What happens to your libido after miscarriage?

The way our bodies react after loss will depend on lots of different factors, and these aren’t always easy to pin down. 

Sometimes, you might feel a surge of desire, an almost primal need to reconnect. Other times, you may feel detached from yourself and your partner. Hormonal changes play a big role – your body has been through a pregnancy, and even after loss, pregnancy hormones like estrogen and progesterone take time to regulate. 

These hormonal shifts can lead to increased sex drive after miscarriage, which is completely normal. Some find comfort in intimacy, while others need space. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.

Why do some people have an increased sex drive after miscarriage?

After miscarriage, intimacy can feel different – sometimes overwhelming, sometimes deeply needed. If you’re experiencing a surge in sex drive, it’s completely natural, and you’re not alone. Here’s why it might be happening and how to navigate it with care.

• Hormonal fluctuations – Rising estrogen levels can naturally increase libido.
• Emotional bonding – Sex can be a way to reconnect with your partner after loss.
• A desire to conceive again – Some feel a strong urge to become pregnant quickly, consciously or subconsciously.
• Body regulation – Your body may be adjusting to the hormonal drop, triggering increased sexual desire.

No matter how you’re feeling right now, know that your response is normal, and a sign that your body is working through your miscarriage. Whether you feel a strong desire for sex or no interest at all, it’s all part of the process.

When can you have sex after a miscarriage?

Physically, your body needs time to heal. According to the NHS, waiting until bleeding stops helps reduce infection risk. But emotionally? That’s different for everyone.

Here’s a high level guide to what to expect and plan for, depending on what stage your pregnancy was at:

• For a first-trimester miscarriage – Waiting until bleeding stops (usually within 1-2 weeks) is advised, but bear in mind both your physical and emotional readiness.
• For a later miscarriage – Healing takes longer, and your doctor may recommend a few more weeks before considering intimacy.
• After surgical intervention (D&C or ERPC) – Recovery varies, and it’s important to follow medical advice.

Some people feel ready to be intimate quickly – and may also have an increased sex drive after miscarriage – while others need more time. The only priority here is to listen to yourself.

Are you more fertile after a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage?

This was something I researched endlessly after my own losses. Some studies suggest fertility may be heightened immediately after miscarriage, but it’s not a certainty. What we do know is:

• Ovulation can return as soon as two weeks after miscarriage.
• Some experts believe the uterus is more receptive in the months following loss.
• The NHS advise you can try for a baby again as soon as your symptoms have settled, and you’re emotionally and physically ready.

Navigating sex during a difficult time? Queue up our podcast episode Sex after miscarriage? Sex after pregnancy? Sex when TTC? for lots of specific tips and support.

Pain after sex after miscarriage – what’s normal?

Pain after sex post-miscarriage can catch you off guard. The first time, you may feel a deep ache (both physically and emotionally). Here’s why it might happen:

• Your cervix is still healing – It may take time to close fully.
• Vaginal dryness – Hormonal shifts can cause dryness, making sex uncomfortable.
• Emotional trauma – Anxiety or stress around intimacy can cause physical tension and pain.
• Underlying complications – If pain is persistent or severe, check in with your doctor.

And, back to that emotional ache – this is very normal. Full disclosure, I cried. And it felt good to do so! Remember, every response is a sign that your (amazing) body is working things through.

How to ease discomfort during sex post-miscarriage

Here are a few tips to help you get back into it. 

• Use lubrication – It can make a real difference when dryness is an issue.
• Start slow – There’s no rush; your comfort matters.
• Consider alternative intimacy – Sometimes, a warm cuddle or non-penetrative touch is more soothing.
• Seek medical advice – If something feels off, trust yourself and get checked out.

What about masturbation?

Can you masturbate after miscarriage? The answer is yes – if you feel ready. Masturbation can be a gentle way to reconnect with your body after loss. It can:

• Relieve stress and improve mood.
• Restore a sense of bodily autonomy.
• Increase blood circulation to aid healing.

I particularly like that last one! It seems like such an appropriate, natural way to support the healing process. 

However, if you experience pain or distress, take a step back. Healing isn’t just about the physical – it’s about feeling safe.

Navigating emotional healing and intimacy

For many of us, sex after miscarriage isn’t just physical – it’s deeply emotional. You might feel:

• Guilt – Wondering if it’s okay to find pleasure after loss.
• Anxiety – About pregnancy or another miscarriage.
• Relief – Finding comfort in reconnecting with your partner.
• Sadness – Grief can surface in unexpected moments.

If intimacy feels overwhelming, you are not alone. Speaking with a therapist can help process the emotional side of loss.

Final thoughts: prioritizing your healing journey

There’s no “right” time to have sex after miscarriage – it’s about what feels good and safe for you. Whether you experience an increased sex drive after miscarriage, struggle with pain, or need time to heal emotionally, your healing journey is the priority.

Be kind to yourself, communicate with your partner, and seek support if needed. Above all, trust your body and your emotions – they will guide you toward what feels right.

Up next: The Singapore-based online fertility wellness programme to know – from yoga and Ayurveda to delicious, nourishing recipes – this is everything, packed into one.