How to cope with pregnancy after miscarriage (5 things which helped me)

That cross of blue lines, super-clear and definite. A very different experience to almost a year before, at the start of my dealings with recurrent miscarriage. With those early pregnancies, the lines had been so faint. This time, there was no ambiguity. I was definitely pregnant – and, overjoyed.

For so many, pregnancy is a time filled with excitement, hope, and anticipation. But for anyone who’s experienced a miscarriage, subsequent pregnancies can bring a mixture of emotions – joy tempered by anxiety, hope shadowed by fear. 

As we approach Rainbow Baby Day 2024 – a day dedicated to the babies we’ve lost and those we’ve gone on to welcome, and the experience of navigating pregnancy and parenthood after loss – this guide is one to pin and share with our amazing rainbow baby pregnancy community. 

Here are the tips and tactics which helped me to navigate how to cope with pregnancy after miscarriage, putting my joy and confidence in the driving seat, while holding space for my fears.

1. Find support that speaks to you

What works for me, in terms of support, won’t work for everyone else. And that’s okay! Many of us crave connection – in person or on the phone. And many of us don’t, really. Sometimes a less personal online forum can be the support we need, with real time instant access to others in a similar scenario – to the week or day of our pregnancy, even. 

Instagram wasn’t the go-to it is now – when I was navigating miscarriage – for online and community support. This Rainbow Baby Day, I can list off oodles of fantastic accounts to follow for miscarriage support and shared experience. But a favorite for me, packed with articles and writing that met me where I was, is Still Standing – the online magazine dedicated to all who are grieving child loss and infertility. This feature is particularly helpful. 

And for me, it was all about the holistic support network, to get me through those first anxious weeks and months, especially. From specific early pregnancy acupuncture to yoga and guided meditation – I liked being able to talk about what had happened to me, and work with an experienced practitioner on a plan to move forward.

2. Heal with yoga

Yoga can be a gentle yet powerful support, in my experience. Pick a class which works well for you – pregnancy yoga is the obvious choice but depending on your situation, a restorative class may work beautifully, especially if you’re looking to soothe anxiety, or tension. 

Prenatal yoga practice encourages mindfulness and a deeper connection with your body, allowing you to cultivate a sense of peace. Many women find that yoga helps them stay present and grounded, easing the anxiety that can accompany a new pregnancy. Seasoned yogi or new to the practice, finding a prenatal yoga class or online session can be a soothing addition to your routine, as well as something to work towards every week. 

Whether you’re in the very early days of a new pregnancy or pretty far along, this fantastic guide to super-gentle yoga and Pilates during pregnancy from the wonderful Jennifer Edmonds, founder-practitioner at Element Pilates & Yoga, is a go-to.

3. See it to believe it

We’re talking about visualization, here. And before you click out, I’m really not a visualization kinda gal.

But, I found to my surprise that guided visualization practice – a lot like meditation, really – helped me enormously to climb out of a spin, when pregnancy anxiety and fears began to escalate. 

I liked to pick a track or session designed for my exact stage of pregnancy, and fix my growing baby in my mind’s eye, listening as the instructor calmly walked me through the incredible process happening right then, in my body. At week 6 and feeling anxious? There was a track for it, helping me visualize my body doing everything right. Week 20 and waiting for a milestone scan? There’s a track for that too. 

My go-to was the Expectful app, which has a dedicated Rainbow Baby meditation collection, along with daily meditations for each week and trimester of pregnancy, plus so much more. I highly recommend.

4. Breathe deep

It sounds obvious doesn’t it? But remembering to breathe is a crucial part of lowering anxiety, and I often find – even now as a parent – that a few deep, nourishing, intentional breaths totally sort me out, when I’m feeling overwhelmed. 

And science gives its own big tick. Engaging in controlled breathing helps to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and reduces feelings of tension. One common method is the 4-7-8 technique: breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of four, hold the breath for seven counts, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight counts. 

Practicing regularly can calm your mind and body, providing a sense of control and helping to alleviate anxiety, especially in moments of heightened stress.

5. Lean into it

You’ve been through a lot. Losing a pregnancy, and a baby, is a traumatic experience, and having the courage to navigate a new journey is just incredible. You are incredible. 

So my number one and final tip here, as we lean into Rainbow Baby Day once again, is to give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. Acknowledge it, and observe it – it is part of your intrinsic make-up, as a parent – but know that it is just one aspect of this huge, wide-ranging adventure. 

Build out your tool kit, book that yoga class and download some really great visualizations. Speak to a friend or online chat group about your specific fears and concerns. Know that you’re going to feel anxious, and possibly more-so than most. And, that is okay. 

Take a 4-7-8 breath and watch something that makes you laugh. Head down to the beach with a friend or your partner, or to the park with a warm drink and comforting playlist. 

Whatever you do, know that you’re doing it right. Every day is such a huge achievement, and you really are the biggest inspiration. 

Put it on your reading list: Baby let’s go – what vitamins should I take when pregnant?