2,738 days of trying to conceive – Anna and Jeremy’s story

Back in the summer of 2020, we re-shared the wonderful news on Instagram that Anna, AKA @annagetscozy, and her husband, Jeremy, had finally had IVF success.

Their story resonated deeply with our followers, so we asked Anna and Jeremy if they would share their IVF journey here on TRB.

Over to Anna.

Seeking fertility help

Not knowing what to do, we did the next logical thing: we sought fertility help.

We started talking to fertility specialists about our situation and quickly realised that their opinions were mixed. We also began sharing our challenges with friends and family in the hope that they might offer some clarity, but their opinions were mixed too.

This totally blindsided us. We couldn’t get any straight answers or a definitive solution for how to move forward, and we felt really helpless. We remember feeling very stagnant while everybody else seemed to be getting pregnant and had access to some magical formula that we weren’t privy to.

We felt really alone

At the same time, my grandfather’s health started to decline, and there was a growing sense of urgency to give him a great-grandchild to hold in his arms. I was really close to him, and it almost felt like my duty to make this happen for him before he passed away.

This added a lot of strain to our marriage, making an already stressful fertility journey even more difficult. It also led us to make a number of rushed decisions that, in hindsight, weren’t the right choices. One of those was not taking enough time to find the right fertility specialist.

The first doctor we saw didn’t run any tests and prescribed Clomid to us. We followed his instructions for two months, but didn’t get any results.

The second fertility specialist we saw ran some fertility tests and recommended IUI (intrauterine insemination) with Clomid. We did two rounds of IUI, but again, we didn’t get any results.

This doctor then introduced us to mini-IVF, using less medication, and told us it had a higher IVF success rate compared with IUI. She also talked to us about gender selection and asked if we wanted twins. It was all very new to us, but it gave us hope and excitement that we were getting closer to parenthood.

It was during the egg retrieval that we realised that, in fact, not all doctors are created equal and that we needed to start advocating for ourselves. The fertility clinic was a completely foreign place to me, and it was the first time I had ever had to undergo a procedure.

The trauma

On the day of the egg retrieval, I was in my medical gown, mentally preparing myself for the procedure. It was early in the morning, the facility felt cold and sterile, and on top of that, I was separated from Jeremy.

While I was on the medical table with my feet in the stirrups, the doctor asked me, “How is your alcohol tolerance?”

I responded, “It’s pretty good.”

She then proceeded to administer the anaesthesia herself.

At the time, I didn’t think anything of it because I simply didn’t know any better. I later learned that, in many settings, an anaesthetist is responsible for administering the anaesthetic and monitoring a patient’s vital signs, allowing the doctor to focus entirely on the procedure.

A scene from a movie

I heard myself flatline.

The doctor started shaking me profusely and telling me to breathe. I remember thinking that this might be my last breath and hoping that, at the very least, they would be able to retrieve a couple of eggs.

Eventually, my pulse came back and I started to stabilise, before they continued with the procedure.

However, I was awake for the entire procedure, which made an already frightening experience even more uncomfortable. I was also trying to process what had just happened to me.

After the egg retrieval, my nurse rolled me into another room where Jeremy was waiting. This was where the fertility specialist shared the news: she had not been able to retrieve any eggs.

Our world was shattered. The tears immediately started flowing, and we were completely heartbroken.

This was the first time we truly understood how serious the potential risks associated with IVF could be.

And the kicker?

We later learned that there weren’t any eggs because the timing of the trigger shot had been incorrect.

To go through all of that – and then discover that the reason we hadn’t retrieved any eggs was down to the timing of the trigger shot – was devastating.

We were left wondering: How could this have happened?

The ‘holistic route’

Our first IVF experience had been so traumatic that our hope was completely crushed. We felt that, if we were going to continue with fertility treatment, the risks were simply too high. Jeremy had started to see things differently too, as he didn’t want to lose me in the process of trying to conceive.

We took a year and a half away from conventional fertility treatment and started exploring Eastern medicine, which offered us a more holistic approach. This led us to trying acupuncture, taking herbal supplements, doing fertility yoga, and learning more about our bodies and which supplements to take.

Perhaps the most unexpected part of this stage of our journey was a trip to Bali, Indonesia, where we met with a spiritual healer we had learned about after watching Eat. Pray. Love. We were definitely at our wits’ end.

It was certainly a memorable experience: after a physical examination involving a wooden stick, he leaned over and whispered his final piece of fertility advice into Jeremy’s ear – recommending that he improve his oral sex techniques, accompanied by some rather enthusiastic sound effects! We were mortified, particularly with my parents sitting right next to us, and they were just as shocked.

To this day, it’s an awkward conversation none of us ever wants to have again – although we can laugh about it now and still occasionally bring it up when we’re on holiday together.

We were desperate

It was an eye-opening experience, but more importantly, this period gave us time to step back from conventional fertility treatment and learn more about our bodies. After the trauma of our first IVF experience, we needed that space to process what had happened and work out what we wanted to do next.

Trying conventional IVF

After a year and a half break and still not getting pregnant on our own, we decided to see our OB/GYN for more testing.

My blood tests came back normal and a laparoscopy was recommended for us.

During the fertility procedure, the doctor cleaned out all of the endometriosis that was visible on my uterine lining and it was a straightforward procedure with no complications. Although I was terrified of going under anesthesia again, it was a completely different experience.

After the procedure and trying to conceive naturally for a year, we then decided to see another IVF specialist, who came highly recommended by a friend. After all of the lab workups, this doctor recommended our first go at conventional IVF.

The injections and side effects were no joke, I literally felt like a crazy person at times. But in the end, it was worth it when we retrieved 30 eggs and 4 of them passed PGS testing at the end. We were over the moon and thought: “This is it! At least one of them should work!”

We went into the first IVF transfer with high hopes, but the embryo didn’t take. The doctor did more testing, one specifically was the ERA test to pinpoint my implantation window.

I vividly remember this test as it was the first time they biopsied my womb lining while I was awake and the pain was excruciating. I felt every cut and scrape and by the end of it, I was exhausted and covered in sweat. The results showed that my uterine lining was receptive and the implantation window was correct.

They also biopsied my lining another time to see if there was any inflammation and that test came back positive for mild endometriosis. The inflammation was so persistent that I tried three different types of antibiotics over the course of seven weeks, before finally getting rid of the inflammation.

The side effects from the meds were horrible. From the migraines to stomach-aches to feeling like my skin was on fire from sun exposure, it was very difficult to be myself during these seven weeks, especially around others. It was finally time for our second IVF transfer and we went into it with more confidence.

It was a big milestone for us because we actually got a BFP (big fat positive) on a pregnancy test! It was the first time that we had ever seen a positive pregnancy test and I immediately broke down in tears.

“This is it! We’re finally pregnant!” I shouted.

However, our excitement was short-lived as soon as we got the blood test results back and learned that my HCG levels weren’t where they should be, so it wasn’t a viable pregnancy.

I felt numb and lost, and continued with the injections until the final blood test showed that it was an early miscarriage. It was one of the darkest times of my life and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

For anyone going through this, you know from first-hand experience that the side effects and the mood swings from the drugs and hormones are no joke. While recovering from it physically, we also needed some time to heal emotionally.

We decided to take some time off before continuing fertility treatment.

The courage to try IVF again

After a year’s break, we finally had the courage to try again. For our third IVF transfer, we decided to transfer the last two embryos at once.

Despite the warnings we got from our fertility specialist and friends about the complications that can arise from having twins, we were desperate and thought why not improve our chances, by transferring both.

We were so positive that it would work this time and we even recorded the moment we got the call from the doctor certain that it was going to be good news. But instead, our world came crashing down in an instant, when we heard the words “I’m sorry. You’re not pregnant.”

By now, we were completely defeated and weren’t sure if we had the strength to keep going

We felt broken, guilty and confused, and that it could never happen for us. Our doctor mentioned surrogacy which was very difficult to hear, as we wanted to give it at least one last try.

Even though we wanted to push forward, we definitely weren’t ready to. It was time for us to step back, look at the bigger picture and really figure out if we were able continue on this fertility journey. This brought us back to my near-death experience from the first IVF retrieval and I realized there was a silver lining – the experience showed me how resilient I was and what I was willing to risk to grow our family.

We also came to the realization that everyone has their own timeline and path to walk, and that we will continue to walk ours no matter how long it takes.

A new perspective

We felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders, and for the very first time on our journey, we did something we should’ve done a long time ago; we consulted with eight different doctors after doing a ton of research.

This experience was eye-opening as we were able to compare the doctors side by side, and choose the right one for us – very much like a tasting menu, where you can easily identify what suits you.

We ended up choosing a doctor with a great reputation and one of the best labs in the nation. This was only apparent to us through the multiple consultations.

The consults were expensive but, ultimately gave us great confidence in our decision and if there’s one piece of advice you can take from this whole story, this is the one.

COVID-19 complications

Our third IVF retrieval was also filled with challenges of its own, as we went from a conventional IVF to a long Lupron protocol, which is supposed to yield better quality embryos.

It was 33 days of injections, and this time the side effects were the worst I have ever experienced.

Meanwhile, this was happening with the backdrop of the pandemic and the risk of our cycle being canceled at any moment. It felt so surreal when we had to sign a waiver releasing all liability from our doctor and lab if our cycle was canceled due to COVID19.

This was such a big deal at the time that NBC News caught wind of it and interviewed us to gain insight, as IVF cycles were being canceled left and right. At the time of the interview, we were half way through our cycle and prayed everyday that we would make it to the finish line.

18 eggs successfully retrieved

Two days later, our lab closed to the public and all cycles were canceled – talk about cutting it close!

We aren’t sure how we managed the anxiety and stayed level-headed through the process, but it definitely paid off in the end as we ended up with 3 PGS embryos!

Achieving success

June 9th 2020 was the day that changed our lives.

436 injections, 2,738 days of trying to conceive, 1 miscarriage, 2 surgeries, 5 biopsies, 2 IUIs, 3 IVF retrievals, 4 IVF transfers, hundreds of pills, blood draws, and ultrasounds, and so many tears and prayers later… our #4 IVF transfer was a success!

Even though we’re 25 weeks pregnant now, it still feels surreal. Because of everything we’ve been through, we’re being cautiously optimistic until the baby is born.

If there’s anything we’ve learned through it all, it is that we are more resilient than we think and this applies to everyone.

At times you might think you don’t have what it takes to keep going, but I want to reassure you that you do.

You are NOT ALONE and there are many of us walking the same path as you. Lean on those around you and give them a chance to be there for you.

It is a difficult journey but it’s easier with the right support system and community.

Everyone has a different path to parenthood, but I believe we will all get there as long as we keep trying. It will all be worth it in the end! We got this!