Fertility

11 Tips for Telling a Friend TTC You’re Pregnant

Eloise Edington  |   29 Nov 2021


I love how our Fertility Help Hub community is an excellent source for content ideas.  Last week, a reader approached us asking for help telling her friend (who’s TTC) that she’s pregnant.  This is a wonderfully caring question – and even if you’re not in this position, it can be helpful to know how to announce a pregnancy sensitively. 

Read on to find out how.

Words by Holly Pigache

Hidden Struggles

Perhaps, like our reader, you’re wanting to share the news you’re expecting in a delicate way.  Maybe you’re aware of a friend or relative who’s TTC, who’s suffering from (in)fertility or had a miscarriage.  But what if you have a struggling friend or family member who hasn’t told you about their difficulties?  Some people choose to go through hardship without sharing, so it’s good to be mindful that a loved one may respond to your exciting news unexpectedly.

A ‘How to’ Guide

Sharing news that’s exciting for you yet devastating for someone else is never easy but there are better ways of telling your friend you’re pregnant, especially if they’re struggling with (in)fertility.

When a friend or relative has been TTC or has been struggling with fertility issues, breaking the news that you’re pregnant feels daunting and you may be riddled with guilt. 

Here are FHH’s top tips for announcing your pregnancy sensitively:

Don’t

  • Hide it from them, even if you feel you’re protecting them.  Your friend or relative will likely find out and be more upset that you excluded them from hearing your exciting news.

 

  • Avoid the subject of their fertility struggles.  (A sneaky do: Acknowledge how hard this announcement might be for them and listen if they want to talk about their experiences).

 

  • Give your friend advice or false hope, “You’ll be next!” isn’t helpful and might not be true.

 

  • Use triggering language: “I guess it was just meant to be!” is an awful sentiment to hear when you’ve invested time, emotional labour and, potentially, money into TTC.  Likewise: “We didn’t expect it to happen so quickly!” and “It wasn’t planned – at all!”  Great, good for you.

 

  • Share all the details or show them an image of your scan or positive pregnancy test – this can be triggering.

 

  • Share the news in a public place or announce your pregnancy as a surprise at a party or during the holidays.

A note about social media – consider being sensitive about the content you choose to post and share and don’t be upset if your TTC friend or relative unfollows or unfriends you for a while.  They may need time and process your news and having a social media feed full of pregnancy updates won’t be helping. 

Saying this, you’re more than entitled to celebrate your exciting news, just bear your friends’ reactions in mind.

Click here to follow FHH on Instagram.

Do

  • Invite your friend or relative to the baby shower – excluding them only draws attention to their fertility issues – however:

 

  • Allow your friend or relative the option to skip the baby shower.

 

  • Let your friend know they don’t have to respond to your message or email (if you choose to share your news not in person).

 

  • Recognise and acknowledge that it must be hard for your friend but don’t say you know how it feels if you haven’t experienced the same thing

 

  • Give them time to adjust and come to terms with the news – they might need time and space.

We asked our Instagram followers: 

If you’re TTC, would you prefer your friend told you they were pregnant in person or not in person.  

  • 64% said they’d prefer to find out about a friend’s pregnancy not in person
  • 36% said they’d prefer in person

We then asked if followers would prefer an email or a text/WhatsApp.

  • 86% said they’d rather a WhatsApp/text than an email (14%)

It’s easy to say, “Don’t take it personally” when a friend or relative struggling with (in)fertility distances themselves from you when you tell them you’re pregnant.  And whilst this is good surface advice, let’s be honest, it is personal – after all, you’re the one who’s pregnant. 

However, try not to take it as a personal attack on you or your relationship with one another.  TTC journeys can be incredibly lonely and sometimes others’ good news only adds to the feelings of isolation.  Showing your friend or relative you love and care for them, and letting them know you’re ready to talk when they are will go a long way.

There’s no “right way” to share news that will inadvertently hurt someone else.  Although following these tips won’t guarantee your friend or relative will respond positively, our advice should help you announce a pregnancy sensitively.

Download our free fertility squad app here to share advice with others going through similar experiences.

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