Finding out I was an IVF baby, as an adult (and what I want IVF parents to know)

Finding out you’re an IVF baby – Mairin’s story

For as long as I can remember, being a triplet has been integral to my sense of self, shaping my identity and influencing my interactions with the world.

Growing up, my two sisters and I were inseparable—each with our own distinct personalities, yet bound by a connection that was both extraordinary and essential, a truth I would come to understand more deeply as I grew older.

People often referred to us collectively as “the triplets,” and while we differed in appearance and interests, we were always seen as one entity.

I sometimes wondered if others truly recognized us as three individual people, but it was such a defining part of our existence that I never gave it much thought. Our bond felt instinctive, and I never questioned how it had formed or what made it so special.

Growing up as a triplet: A miracle or a mystery?

Throughout my childhood, we were a constant source of curiosity for others.

Strangers would often approach my parents and ask, “Do twins or triplets run in your family?” To which I would answer, “No,” without a second thought. I was probably just tired of being asked this so often, as it seemed like it happened everywhere we went.

The same tired exchange would play out—people would say, “Oh wow, bless your mother for having three girls! Good luck with their teenage years!”

It used to annoy me, but over time, I learned not to mind. I came to realize that being a triplet was special, and I understood that it made people more curious in a way that was more profound than I initially appreciated.

At the time, though, I truly believed we were an unexpected miracle, something that simply happened without any real explanation. We were just three girls born together, and that was the extent of my understanding of our existence.

I distinctly remember moments when we were dining out, and strangers would ask my mom, “Were they natural?” I didn’t fully grasp the meaning of the question then. My mom, visibly uncomfortable, would respond, “That’s not something you ask a stranger while they’re eating.” Yet, her irritation didn’t register with me the way it should have.

What did “natural” even mean? To me, we were miracles—our birth was something extraordinary, regardless of the circumstances behind it.

The shocking revelation: IVF and our conceived path

For years, my mom had been trying to have children. The journey was far from easy, marked by fertility challenges and the complications of endometriosis.

IVF was the path she eventually turned to, and only then did I begin to understand that our birth wasn’t the result of chance, but of persistence and careful decision-making.

It was a quiet revelation, one that helped me see the depth of my mother’s strength and the long road she had traveled before we were even born.

That knowledge added a new layer to my sense of self, giving me a deeper appreciation for the thought and effort that had shaped my life.

The IVF journey: Understanding the miracle

Through IVF, my mother’s egg retrieval process produced only three eggs, with less than a 1% chance of all three being successfully fertilized. But she decided to implant all three eggs. In the end, we were born—three girls, each with a unique identity, but all tied together by this remarkable medical process.

Hearing this for the first time was a mixture of emotions. While many childhood conversations and questions now made sense, there was also an underlying sadness.

I had spent my whole life thinking we were the product of nature’s unpredictability, only to realize that our conception was a well-thought-out, scientific process.

But in learning the truth, I developed a deep respect for the lengths my mother went to to become a mother. Her determination and the physical and emotional challenges she faced to bring us into the world are things I will never take for granted.

A shift in perspective: Fertility and understanding my mother’s struggles

As I reflected on my feelings, I started to understand my mom’s journey more profoundly. It wasn’t just about the science behind IVF—it was about her resilience, her emotional strength, and the hardships she faced.

I realized that I had been blessed not only with sisters but with a mother who fought tirelessly for us. At the same time, the knowledge that my mom had struggled with fertility and endometriosis gave me pause. I began to wonder how her experiences might affect me in the future. Would I face similar challenges when it came to fertility?

While this realization stirred some concerns, it also sparked a newfound respect for women undergoing similar struggles.

Fertility challenges and IVF are deeply personal experiences, and I now see them through a lens of empathy and understanding. It’s a journey that not only shapes the lives of those who undergo it but also the families that are created as a result.

A personal journey: Reflecting on my own identity and appreciation for IVF

Now, at 21, my perspective on fertility and family has transformed. My understanding of the IVF process, and the strength required to go through it, has deepened. I’ve learned so much not only about my mother but also about the broader experiences of women navigating infertility and IVF. The complexity of the process, the emotional highs and lows, and the resilience required have all come into sharper focus for me.

It’s made me realize that family and fertility are not simply about genetics or biology. They are about perseverance, love, and the determination to create life despite the odds. This revelation about my own origins has shaped my identity and my understanding of family in a way I never anticipated.

Talking to your child about IVF: How—and when—to start the conversation

When it comes to discussing IVF with your child, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach—and that’s okay. Every child is different, every family’s journey is unique, and ultimately, the most important thing is to do what feels right for you and your child.

Many parents find that being honest and open from the beginning creates a foundation of trust. Introducing the concept of IVF early—when it feels natural—can help normalize the conversation and remove any sense of secrecy or shame. I think that when children grow up hearing about their story in an age-appropriate, loving way, they’re more likely to feel confident, secure, and proud of where they came from.

As your child gets older, you can gently introduce more context about the IVF process. This includes being transparent about the challenges many families face when pursuing fertility treatment. These discussions don’t need to be heavy or detailed, but they can help foster empathy, understanding, and open communication as your child matures.

It’s also important to give your child space to process their story in their way. Take a step back and let them ask questions, explore their identity, and make sense of it at their own pace. From there, your role is to support that discovery with openness, honesty, and unconditional love.

Ultimately, the goal is to create a home environment where IVF is not seen as something different or unusual—but simply as one of many beautiful ways a family can be built!

A newfound respect for the IVF journey

Learning that I was conceived through IVF has had a profound impact on my life. It’s helped me see my mother in a new light—her strength, her resolve, and the sacrifices she made to bring us into the world. It’s also made me more aware of the scientific advancements that allow families to be built in once unimaginable ways.

Today, I view the concept of family and fertility through a lens of deep respect and understanding. It’s not just about how we are born but about the love and effort that goes into creating a family. Understanding the science behind IVF, and the emotional toll it takes on women who go through this process, has shaped who I am today—and I carry that respect and appreciation with me as I move forward in my own life.

Next on your reading list: Love makes a family – nature, nurture and donor conception