Reconnecting when life feels like a lot – your guide to intimacy at every stage

Making room for intimacy and connecting to your pleasure is essential for all sorts of reasons, but life’s demands can often push sex way down your priority list. 

Feeling too busy or stressed for sex? You’re not alone. First off, we can definitely relate. Team TRB is spread across almost every age, stage and situation – just like our incredible community. So we recently asked over on Instagram, and it turns out many of you struggle with dips in intimacy during busy and difficult life transitions, too.

It’s completely natural, and sometimes we just don’t feel the emotional connection, drive or energy. And that’s okay. But what can we do, when we do want to bring back intimacy with our partner, but aren’t sure where to start?

The answer is – a lot! We’ve partnered with Je Joue, the super-sophisticated, sex-positive brand behind this stunning range of luxury toys, for their expert insight – and amazing vibes! 

Whether you’re trying to conceive, pregnant, or working through the more chaotic eras of parenting, this mini-guide will give you some inspiration for rediscovering connection, pleasure, and emotional closeness.

Over to Sienna Haliburton, Sex Educator in training at Je Joue.

Why intimacy matters (even when we’re busy)

Intimacy is more than just a physical connection. It’s essential for your emotional and mental well-being, fostering bonds that keep you and your partner grounded and connected.

Sienna says: “Sexual wellness is integral to our overall well-being, and prioritizing pleasure should be seen as a radical act of self-care. We all have a right to feel pleasure and connect with our bodies – throughout our lifetime.

Maintaining a fulfilling sex life with your partner helps you to keep your connection strong, but this can be hard when trying to conceive or with young ones in the house! Moving the focus from conception and baby-making back to prioritizing pleasure and connection can feel difficult – but we’re here to help.

At the heart of wellness is the idea that sexual connection fuels not only passion but also self-discovery. Pregnancy in particular brings a whole load of incredible changes to your body, and it’s okay to connect to and explore the ‘new you’ that emerges as things progress.” 

So, let’s get into how you can overcome some of these common challenges and reclaim this essential part of your life.

The challenges to intimacy – you’re not alone

1. Stress and low sex drive when you’re trying to get pregnant

The emotional toll of trying to conceive (TTC) can leave you and your partner feeling disconnected. In fact, 100% of you told us that TTC has impacted your intimacy with your partner.

Tracking cycles and timing intercourse for ovulation can often make sex feel just that little bit too scheduled, and in fact, 50% of you answered our polls saying timing and routines were your biggest barriers. 

Sienna says: “In the journey of conception, couples often find their intimate life overshadowed by the immense pressure to conceive, inadvertently leading to a decrease in libido and pleasure. By shifting the focus from conception to prioritizing mutual pleasure and exploration of each other’s bodies, we open a pathway to rediscover intimacy in its most joyful form.

Engaging in practices like mutual masturbation not only alleviates the performance pressure associated with male orgasm but also fosters a deeper emotional connection.

Furthermore, incorporating sex toys can significantly enhance this explorative journey, introducing new dimensions of pleasure and intimacy. This approach does not just combat low sex drive but also enriches the couple’s bond, making the process of trying to conceive more about connecting on a deeper level than just the outcome.”

We’ve written about reframing sex while TTC before, so head there for more guidance and support.

2. Feeling anxious about sex during pregnancy

Many of us may also feel unsure about intimacy during pregnancy. Concerns about safety, discomfort, or even fear of harming the baby can affect desire, with 67% of you telling us that you weren’t sure what was safe when it comes to sex when you’re expecting.

Is it safe to have sex in early pregnancy?

Generally, yes – sex during early pregnancy is safe for most. Unless your doctor advises against it due to specific medical concerns, intimacy can be a great way to stay close to your partner.

Sienna says: “Pregnancy brings incredible changes to your body, including shifts in sensitive areas like the G-spot, which may feel different as your body adapts.

Exploring these changes can be an empowering way to build intimacy with yourself and your evolving sense of identity. This kind of self-connection isn’t often discussed, but understanding and embracing your body’s changes can help strengthen your relationship with yourself, and ultimately, your partner.

Besides the physical pleasure, maintaining intimacy during pregnancy can also have emotional benefits. It promotes a closer connection with your partner and can help boost emotional well-being, crucial during this transformative period. Engaging in loving, intimate acts releases oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone,” which can promote a sense of peace and contentment.

Remember, intimacy isn’t just about sexual intercourse; it encompasses a range of physical closeness—from cuddling and kissing to shared massages. 

Each couple’s comfort levels might change as pregnancy progresses, so it’s all about finding what works best for you and respecting each other’s feelings and boundaries.”

3. Making time for intimacy when you have kids

When you’re managing little ones and a household to-do list as long as your arm, intimacy can feel like a distant luxury. 

And we’re tired. A whopping 100% of you told us that fatigue and exhaustion were the biggest hurdles for you as parents, and 78% of you said that you hadn’t really found ways to rekindle intimacy after becoming parents. But small moments of connection can go a long way.

Sienna says: “Adjusting your expectations about sex and intimacy post-baby is crucial. Your bodies, energy levels, and time are different now. Be patient with each other and understand that quality can be more important than quantity or duration.

Both individual and mutual self-care are vital, and feeling good about yourself affects your relationship as a whole. 

Despite the busy schedules, try to carve out time for yourselves individually for self-pleasure. After pregnancy, your body can experience pleasure differently—engaging in self-pleasure and masturbation can be a great way of rediscovering what you like and how you like to be touched. You can then share this with your partner and discover new pleasure together.”

How to bring back intimacy – what else can we do?

We know it’s not for everyone, and it’s not a one-and-done ‘fix’. But when stress or exhaustion has taken a toll, adding something new to your intimacy toolbox can help switch things up, and bring back a feeling of excitement. 

And if you do choose to give that a whirl, toys and vibrators are just one way to bring a new layer of fun, relaxation, and deeper pleasure into your relationship. Here’s what to know about getting started.

Why rumbly beats buzzy – the science behind Je Joue

Je Joue’s range of toys features ultra-low frequency “rumbly” vibrations that stimulate deeper tissues for a more satisfying experience. 

Unlike high-frequency vibrations that may feel surface-level or numbing, rumbly vibes engage the body on a profound level, spreading sensation more evenly and enhancing your reconnection to pleasure.

The deep, resonant quality of low-frequency vibrations can create a sense of anticipation and a more profound sense of release during climax. This depth of experience can enhance your psychological satisfaction, as well as the physical sensations, for a deliciously immersive experience. 

Sienna says: “Je Joue’s ultra-low frequency vibrations were designed in conjunction with the Gynecological Association, with your body in mind. These deeper, resonant vibrations travel further into your body, offering a more fulfilling and encompassing sensation. 

I really like the Hera Flex for this – it is a fantastic option for exploring clitoral as well as internal pleasure, with its fully customisable flexible shaft adapting to your body’s unique contours. Hello, blended orgasms!