Trying to conceive, and it not working, can really feel like the end of the world.

How do you put one foot in front of the other? And although we love them so much, how can it be fair that some of our friends can get pregnant so easily, and we’re stuck knee-deep in fertility appointments?

Switch up your mindset, with Alice Rose

Feeling like you’re spending more time at your fertility clinic than hanging out with your friends? We’ve been there and got the t-shirt, and can confirm that it truly sucks – especially over Christmas, the holidays and other big celebrations.

We caught up with the lovely Alice Rose, fertility mindset coach and founder of The Fertility Life Raft, to tap into her fantastic wisdom, and run through the fertility mindset tips she puts into practice daily, with her community.

Fresh starts to IVF, and how to find hope

Waiting for your life to change and willing things to be different – maybe willing them to reflect the visions and dreams in your head.

As we reach milestone moments like the start of a new year, it can feel deeply unfair as you watch everyone around you get pregnant, have their babies – maybe even their second or third – while you’re still not where you want to be, trying to conceive a much longed-for baby.

Infertility is a quagmire. A rubbish hand to be dealt. And just to make it even more difficult, so many people don’t understand how to respond, or what to say if you do choose to open up about what you’re going through.

I’ve been where you are now

I remember one time, sharing our infertility journey and treatment steps with an old friend, who just said, “Oh. Random.”

What does that even mean?! A hopelessly inadequate – and hurtful – response, when all you really need is someone to acknowledge how tough this must be, and ask whether you’re okay.

So, how can we find ways to feel re-energised for a fresh start with fertility and/or IVF? Is it possible to really look forward to it? How can we feel hopeful again, and make sure that we have a support system that actually works for us?

Five fertility mindset tips

These are the baseline tips which have helped me, and the ones I share day in, and out, with The Fertility Life Raft community. I hope they help you, too.

1. Acknowledge what you’re going through

Try not to bury your feelings, or suppress them.

Instead, imagine them as a boiling pan of water on the hob – if you stick a lid on it, it’s just going to explode at some point, right? Take the lid off, have a look at what’s going on in there, and turn the heat down.

Which leads us to …

2. Turn the heat down a notch

Focus on soothing, healing, and nourishing yourself.

Getting help and support – and working on your wellbeing – will mean you’re in a much better position to deal with a difficult, new diagnosis or a twist in your path to bringing home a baby. You might feel better prepped for the odd daft comment, too.

If there’s one thing I learned on my own trying to conceive (TTC) journey, it’s that all manner of unexpected challenges, updates and scenarios can crop up, which you might not anticipate. So lay a bit of groundwork, and you’ll feel more prepared.

It’s not expecting disaster, it’s just equipping yourself with tools to manage the unplanned.

3. Freshen up your state of mind

Your motivation and ability to rediscover hope stems from this. I know I felt like I had completely lost myself at one point, in the middle of our fertility treatment journey.

Getting back in touch with who you are and what brings you joy is crucial – and I’m talking about true joy, not a 4-hour Netflix binge. Although obviously, there’s always time for one of those!

Focus on the parts of life which actually spark something in your heart or get you excited to start the day. Because these can have the power to totally reframe your situation.

And the ripple effects of this are pretty mega.

4. Use knowledge to empower yourself

Equip yourself with information which will help you make strong decisions – not just with your fertility journey or grieving process, but with your life as a whole.

When we’re connected to who we are, what we want in life and how to get it, we start to behave differently, with more confidence and a bit of a spring in our step – which so often gets taken away from us through the repeated grief cycle we inadvertently end up wading through, when trying to conceive for a long time.

So if you need information to make good decisions, do your research and find out what you need to know to take those steps towards a more fulfilled version of you.

5. Give yourself a break

If you get to tip 4 above and feel great, but then find you’re going a few steps backwards – that’s okay, and completely normal.

Life is complex. If you wake up and you want to hide, give yourself a little grace and take the day to get back in touch with yourself, and put into practice the tips we’ve already covered.

Having a really solid support network in place means you won’t stay under the covers too long. Because while it might feel really complicated that day, with a bit of healthy distance, stepping back and re-framing, it can become very simple.

Often all it takes to cope and move through the process, is love, purpose, nourishment, and a huge helping of self-compassion and understanding.

The Fertility Life Raft offers professional, quality support for women trying to start or grow their family, through community, strategy and 1:1 coaching sessions.

It’s your life – we just help you live it. Whatever happens.

All caught up? Catch the top 5 reasons patients decide to switch fertility clinics, in our second opinion 101.